The Unfortunate Penis:
- You've got a hole in your head.
- You always hang around with two nuts.
- Your closest neighbor is an a**hole.
- Your best friend is a pussy.
- Every time you get excited, you throw up.
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Want to make a porno?
We don't have to tape it.
Q: How do you circumcise a whale?
A: With four skin-divers.
Q: Why do vegetarians give good head?
A: Beause they're used to eating nuts.
Q: Why do black women lose their hair at an early age?
A: From all of the hair pulling during rape.
My girlfriend has 206 bones in her body. Now 207.
Now 206. Now 207. Now 206. Now 207...
What do you call an Ethiopian with a yeast infection?
A quarter pounder with cheese
An old woman buys herself some bright red crotchless panties and goes home to surprise her husband.
When her husband comes home, she calls him into the bedroom and points to her new panties.
"Hey old timer," she says, "come and get some of this!"
The old man says, "Hell no, woman.
It done ate a hole in your drawers!"
My girlfriend always calls me a pedophile, and all I can think is "Wow that is a big word for a nine year old."
Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together.
The first one tells her friends, "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father.'"
The second Catholic woman chirps, "My son is a Bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, 'Your Grace.'"
The third Catholic woman says smugly, "My son is a Cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, 'Your Eminence.'"
The fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence.
The first three women give her this subtle "Well…?"
She replies, "My son is a gorgeous, 6’2, hard bodied stripper. When he walks into a room, people say, 'Oh my God…'"