Joke #5321

An young man and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town. After sex the girl said, "I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I'am actually a hooker, and I charge $100 for what we just did." The man retorted, "And I should have mentioned this before, but I'am actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $200."

Yo mama is so stupid that she thought starbucks are money in space.

Yo mama so poor when i went to her house and picked up a paper plate she yelled "Not my good china!"

A gay American was caught by his Filipino gay husband cheating. The American husband asked, "how did you find out?" The Filipino husband replied, "through my Western Union Receipts."

After years of scrimping and saving, a husband told his wife the good news: "Honey, we've finally got enough money to buy what we started saving for in 1979." "You mean a brand-new Cadillac?" she asked eagerly. "No," said the husband, "a 1979 Cadillac."

For his birthday, little Johnny asked for a 10-speed bicycle. His father said, “Son, we’d give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $280,000 and your mother just lost her job. There’s no way we can afford it.” The next day the father saw little Johnny heading out the front door with a suitcase. So he asked, “Son, where are you going?” Little Joe told him: “I was walking past your room last night and heard you telling Mom you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too. And I’ll be damned if I’m staying here by myself with a $280,000 mortgage and no bike!”

An elderly retired couple went to a doctor. The man said, "We want to know if we are making love properly. Will you look at us?" "Go ahead," said the doctor. They made love. "You are making love perfectly," the doctor said. "That will be $10." They came back six weeks in a row and did the same thing. On the seventh visit the doctor said, "What are you coming here like this for - I told you that you are making love properly!" "She can't come to my house," said the man, "and I can't go to her house. A motel costs $20. You charge us $10 and we get $8 back from Medicare."

Harry’s so cheap, he didn’t buy his wife a pearl necklace, he got her a length of string and told her to start a collection.

The proprietor of an adult store steps out to run a few errands and leaves his employee in charge. A woman comes in and wants to purchase a dildo. She looks at the shelf behind the register. "How much for the white one?" "$10." "How much for the black one?" "$20." She buys the white one. A little later , another woman comes in and also wants to buy a dildo. After asking the clerk for prices, she decides on the black one. A third lady comes in for a dildo. She checks the price of the white one , the black one and asks about the plaid one. She makes her purchase and leaves.The proprietor returns and asks how things went. "Great! I sold a white one, a black one, and I got thirty buck for your thermos!"

Q: What is the definition of "accountant"? A: Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.

A guy named Joe finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone bust and he's in serious financial trouble. He's so desperate he decides to ask God for help. He begins to pray... "God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lottery." Lottery night comes and somebody else wins it. Joe again prays... "God, please let me win the lottery! I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well." Lotto night comes and Joe still has no luck. Once again, he prays... "My God, why have you forsaken me?? I've lost my business, my house, and my car. My wife and children are starving. I don't often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. PLEASE just let me win the lottery this one time so I can get my life back in order." Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open and Joe is confronted by the voice of God Himself: "Joe, meet Me halfway on this. Buy a ticket."