“I got a compliment on my driving today,” said a blonde to her friend. There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.
I offered a blonde a penny for her thoughts... she gave me change!
Q. Why are there lip stick stains on the steering wheel after a blonde drives a car? A. Because she blows the horn!
A mathematician, a philosopher, and a blonde all go to Hell and receive a challenge from the Devil - if they can stump him, they're free to go to heaven instead. The philosopher goes first and asks the Devil a very hard philosophy question - to which the Devil snaps his fingers, gets a book, and gives the answer. The mathematician tries as well - but the Devil instantly gets the answer. When it comes to the blonde, she pulls up a chair and drills three holes in it. She then sits down in the chair and farts. "Now," she says, "which hole did the fart come out of?" "That's easy," says the Devil. "All of them." "No, stupid! It came out of my butthole!"
A blonde and a redhead met in a bar after work for a drink, and were watching the 6 O'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge. The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead replied, “I'll take that bet!” Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50 she owed. The redhead said, "I can't take this, you're my friend. I have to admit, I saw this on the 5 o'clock news, so I can't take your money." The blonde replied, "Well, so did I, but I never thought he'd jump again!"
A midget is riding a bus when a blonde steps on him. “Hey you, brunette, watch where you're going,” yells the midget. The blonde looks down and says, “I am not a brunette, I am a blonde.” The midget replies, “Not from where I'm standing.”
Q: How do you plant dope? A: Bury a blonde.
Q: What was the blonde psychic's greatest achievment? A: An IN-body experience!
Q: Why is it OK for blondes to catch cold? A: They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out.
Why did the blonde snort sweet n' low? She thought it was diet coke.
A blonde walks into a doctor’s office and says, “Doc, I’m horribly sick!” The doctor looks at her and asks, “Flu?” “No, I drove here.”