Why did the blonde tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?
Because she didn't want to wake the sleeping pills.
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A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small club in a small town in Arkansas.
With his dummy on his knee, he's going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting:
"I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes.
What makes you think you can stereotype women that way?
What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being?
It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person, because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against, not only blondes, but women in general...and all in the name of humor!"
The ventriloquist is embarrassed and begins to apologize, when the blonde yells,
"You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little idiot on your knee!"
Q: Why was the blonde jogging backwards?
A: She wanted to gain weight!
How do blondes pierce their ears?
They put tacks in their shoulder pads.
One day three blondes were walking along and came upon a raging, violent river.
They needed to get to the other side, but had no idea of how to do it.
The first blonde prayed to god saying, "Please god, give me the strength to cross this river."
Poof! God gave her big arms and strong legs, and she was able to swim across the river in about two hours.
Seeing this the second blonde prayed to god saying, "Please god, give me the strength and ability to cross this river." Poof!
God gave her a rowboat and she was able to row across the river in about three hours.
The third blond had seen how this worked out for the other two, so she also prayed to god saying, "please god, give me the strength, ability, and intelligence to cross this river."
And Poof! God turned her into a man.
He looked at the map, then walked upstream and across the bridge.
Q: What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?
A: Humpme Dumpme.
Q: Why did two women walk into a saloon pointing bananas at people and shouting: "GIVE US YER LOOT!"
A: They were both blonds.
Q: Why did the blonde take more than one pregnancy test?
A: Because she slept with more than one guy.
A blind man walks into a bar.
The blind man sits down, thinking he'd break the ice with the bartender by asking "Wanna hear a blond joke?"
In a hushed voice, a man beside him says "Before you tell that joke, you should know our bartender IS blonde, or bouncer is blond, I'm a 6'4" black belt, the man sitting on the other side of me is 6'2, 250lbs, and a rugby player. The guy sitting next to you is pushing 300, 6'6, and he's a wrestler. We're ALL blond. So you think about it mister, do you really wanna tell that joke?"
The blind man sat for a second, thinking over the odds and then replied "No, not if I have to explain it five times."
Q: What is a blondes' reaction to hearing "drinks are on the house".
A: Where's the stairs.
Once a blonde wanted to go to her boyfriend's home.
Her mom advised her: "My sweet whenever your boy friend wanted to touch your pants tell him there is a hot oven so your hand will burn."
Next day her mom asked her daughter: "Had you a good day?"
The blonde answered: "It was the best day in my life because when my boyfriend touched my pants I told him: 'There is a hot oven and your hand would damage!' But he urged me that I've one hot dog and I wanna to cook it for several times he put his hot dog in my pants and then he put it in my mouth for confident whether it has been cooked or not."