A young man asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of breasts are there?"
The father, surprised, answers:
"Well, son, there are three kinds of breasts.
In her twenties, a woman's breasts are like melons, round and firm.
In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit.
After fifty, they are like onions."
"Onions?"
"Yes, see them and they make you cry."
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A man calls 911 emergency: " Come immediately, my little son has swallowed a condom!"
After five minutes, the same man calls back: "It is ok, I found another one."
Q: What is the difference between your cock, and your bonus?
A: Your wife will always blow your bonus!
Let's not mess with nature.
We are here to make babies.
So, let's get to it.
A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken takes out a cigarette and begins to smoke. The egg, pissed off, takes one look at the chicken, rolls over and pulls the blanket over him and says, "I guess we answered that question!"
Q: What's a blonde's favorite drink
A: A cocktail.
Mom: If a boy touches your boobs say "don't" and if he touches your pussy say "stop"?
Girl: But mom, he touched both so I said "don’t stop"
Q: How do you know when a machanic has had sex?
A: Two of his fingers are clean.
A young boy caught sight of his mother changing one day, and asked her what that was that she had between her legs.
"That is something you're never going to talk about again.
And you shouldn't touch it either, because it has teeth."
Many years went by, and the boy never touched any girl in between her legs, because he was very scared.
One day, however, he met the love of his life and, in time, they got married.
On their wedding night, his wife asked him to touch her there.
"No," he said, "it's got teeth."
"Silly goose!" she said.
She spread her legs wide for him to see.
"See? No teeth!"
"Well, I'm not surprised," the man said.
"Not with gums like that."
Q: Why doesn't Smokey the bear have any kids?
A: Because every time his wife gets hot, he covers her with dirt and beats her with a shovel.