Wife says to husband, "You make love like you decorate."
Husband replies, "What very slow and professional?"
"NO,"she replies, "I have to finish the job myself."
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What's long, hard, and shoots sticky white stuff?
A penis. What were you thinking you clean minded bastard.
Q: What is the difference between your cock, and your bonus?
A: Your wife will always blow your bonus!
Have you heard about the Viagra computer virus?
It turns your 3 1/2 inch floppy into a hard disk.
Roses are red
lemons are sour.
Open your legs
and give me an hour.
Q: What do the Mafia and a pussy have in common?
A: One slip of the tongue, and you're in deep shit.
Do you work at a cattery?
Because I wanna be covered in pussy.
I know an archaeologist who can tell you what period a tampon was from.
Vote:
A couple took their young son for his first visit to the circus.
When his father left to buy popcorn, the boy asked, "Mom, what's that long thing on the elephant?"
"That's the elephant's trunk, dear," she replied.
"No, Mom, down underneath."
His mother blushed and said, "Oh, that's nothing."
The father returned, and the mother went off to get a soda.
As soon as she left, the boy repeated his question.
The father took a good look and explained, "That's the elephant's penis."
"Dad, how come when I asked Mom, she said it was nothing?"
The man took a deep breath and replied, "Son, I've spoiled that woman."
What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?
Make choking noises...