Joke #5725

Wife says to husband, "You make love like you decorate." Husband replies, "What very slow and professional?" "NO,"she replies, "I have to finish the job myself."
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has 79.19 % from 242 votes. More jokes about: dirty

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Teacher: "Who knows what is a difference between a snowman and snowwoman?" Little Johnny: "Three snowballs!"
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has 73.38 % from 120 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, little Johnny, teacher, winter
Mr. Wilson comes home one night, and his wife throws her arms around his neck. "I have great news. I’m a month overdue. I think we’re going to have a baby! The doctor gave me a test today, but until we find out for sure, we can’t tell anybody.” The next day, Mrs. Wilson receives a telephone call from AEC (Atlanta Electric Company) because the electricity bill has not been paid. “Am I speaking to Mrs. Wilson?” “Yes. Speaking.” AEC guy, “You’re a month overdue, you know!” “How do YOU know?” stammers the young woman. “Well, ma’am, it’s in our files!” says the AEC guy. “What are you saying? It’s in your files. HOW?” “Yes. We have a system of finding out who’s overdue.” “GOD! This is too much.” “Madam, I am sorry. I am following orders. I have to inform you are overdue.” “I know that. Let me talk to my husband about this tonight. He will speak to your company tomorrow.” That night, she tells her husband about the call, and he, mad as a bull, rushes to AEC office the next day morning. “What’s going on? You have it on file that my wife is a month overdue? What business is that of yours?” the husband shouts. “Just calm down,” says the lady at the reception at AEC, “It’s nothing serious. All you have to do is pay us.” “PAY you? And if I refuse?” “Well, in that case, sir, we’d have no option but to cut yours off.” “And what would my wife do then?” the husband asks. “I don’t know. I guess she’d have to use a candle.
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has 82.89 % from 322 votes. More jokes about: baby, dirty, doctor, phone, wife
Why is the position 69 like driving car in a rush hour traffic? Cause asshole is always in front of you.
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has 62.30 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: dirty
The lesbians next door bought me a Rolex for my birthday. I think they misunderstood when I said I wanna watch...
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has 73.98 % from 659 votes. More jokes about: birthday, communication, dirty, lesbian, sex
Q: What does Barbie use as a tampon? A: A Tic-Tac.
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has 64.72 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: dirty
One day little Jonny was at his house asleep until he heard his parents arguing and his mom called the dad a "bastard" and the dad called the mom a "bitch". So little Jonny asked, "dad what does bitch and bastard mean?" Then his dad said it meant "ladies and gentlemen." So the next day little Jonny was upstairs in his room until he heard his mom moaning. He walked into their room and the mom said "feel my titties" and the dad said "choke on my dick". Little Jonny asked, "dad what does titties and dicks mean?" So his dad said "coats and jackets." Then it was Thanksgiving and they were having family over for the day and Little Jonny went upstairs and heard his dad say "shit!" Because he had cut himself. And Little Jonny said, "dad what does shit mean?" So his dad said "it means wiping shaving cream off my face." So little Jonny went back downstairs and his mom was in the kitchen stuffing a turkey and she yelled: "fuck!" So little Jonny asked, "what does fuck mean?" And she said "stuffing the turkey." Then the doorbell rang, and Little Jonny opened the door and said: "hello bitches and bastards put your titties and dicks on the coat racket, my dads, upstairs wiping the shit off his face and my moms in the kitchen fucking the turkey!"
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has 66.01 % from 69 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, little Johnny, Thanksgiving, vulgar
Friend pisses me off so I poked holes in his condom the night before he uses it. Three months later... my mom's pregnant.
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has 72.16 % from 155 votes. More jokes about: dirty
Q: Do you know what 69 is? A: It's a good thing screwed up by a period.
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has 41.85 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: dirty, sex, women
I'd have a comeback for that, but all my come's backed up in your throat.
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has 59.79 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: dirty
If your right leg was Halloween and the other one was Christmas I would have come visit you between the holidays.
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has 66.75 % from 53 votes. More jokes about: Christmas, dirty, flirt, Halloween, sex