Wife says to husband, "You make love like you decorate."
Husband replies, "What very slow and professional?"
"NO,"she replies, "I have to finish the job myself."
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Dont you hate it when you open a bag of chips and its half full?!
Yeah, that's how us guys feel about push-up bras!
Q: What did Snow White say to Pinocchio when she was sitting on his face?
A: "Lie to me! Lie to me!"
Vote:
Don't ever let your girl talk to another guy about her problems; a shoulder to cry on, becomes a dick to ride on.
A woman and baby are in the doctors surgery, the doc is concerned about the babys weight, "Is he bottle fed or breast fed?
The woman replies, "Breast fed."
The doc gets her to strip down to her waist so he can examine her breasts.
He pinches her nipples and sucks and rubs both breasts for a while ...
"No wonder the baby is underweight, you have no milk."
Woman replies, "I know, Im his granny ... but Im glad I came!"
While watching TV with his wife, a man tosses peanuts into the air and catches them in his mouth.
Just as he throws another peanut into the air, the front door opens, causing him to turn his head.
The peanut falls into his ear and gets stuck.
His daughter comes in with her date.
The man explains the situation, and the daughter's date says, "I can get the peanut out."
He tells the father to sit down, shoves two fingers into the father's nose, and tells him to blow hard.
The father blows, and the peanut flies out of his ear.
After the daughter takes her date to the kitchen for something to eat, the mother turns to the father and says, "Isn't he smart? I wonder what he plans to be."
The father says, "From the smell of his fingers, I'd say our son-in-law."
Can I dock my rocket at your space station?
On the other day in a cemetery, I saw a woman who was rubbing her ass to a grave.
When I asked the reason, she answered: "It was my husband when he was alive; always he told me: 'Your ass is so sweet whenever any dead man touches it he'll be alive!'"
Are you an elevator?
Cause I wanna go down on you.
A teacher was asking his pupils to tell the name of body organs.
When he asked the name of buttocks when pointing the picture of it, one of the pupils answered: "Its name is trouble".
When the teacher asked the boy about the reason, the boy replied: "I myself saw my father last night rubbing my mother's ass saying 'what a trouble it is.'"