Wife says to husband, "You make love like you decorate."
Husband replies, "What very slow and professional?"
"NO,"she replies, "I have to finish the job myself."
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Q: What did the banana say to the vibrator?
A: "What are you shaking about, it's me she's going to eat."
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Q: Why would a blonde wear green lipstick?
A: Because red means Stop.
Jim decided to propose to Sandy, but prior to her acceptance.
Sandy had to confess to her man about her childhood illness.
She informed Jim that she suffered a disease that left her breasts at maturity of a 12 years old.
He stated that it was OK because he loved her so much.
“I too have a problem. My penis is the same size as an infant and I hope you could deal with that once we are married.”
She said, “Yes I will marry you and learn to live with your infant penis.”
Sandy and Jim got married and they could not wait so Jim whisked Sandy off to their hotel suite and they started touch teasing, holding one
another.
As Sandy put her hands in Jim’s pants, she began to scream and ran out of the room!
Jim ran after her to find out what was wrong.
She said, “You told me your penis was the size of an infant!”
“Yes it is: 8 pounds, 7 ounces, 19 inches long!”
A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair.
Their was a camel and elephant, the elephant said to the camel.
"How come you have your t*ts on your back?" and the camel got offended so he told the elephant.
"Well why do you have your d*ck on your face?"
If a man and a woman get married in Texas and move to Washington are they still brother and sister?
The average speed of ejaculation is 45km/h, which is probably why I was arrested for doing it outside a school.
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.
The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you.
The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."
Girl: "Do you believe in puppy love?"
Boy: "I tried it once, but their assholes are too small."