Jose approaches the Mexican border on his bicycle. Hanging from his shoulders he has two large, bulky bags. The border patrol guard stops him and says,"Hey mister what ya got in those bags?" "Just sand," replied Jose.
Did you hear about the man who got a vasectomy at Sears? Now every time he gets excited, the garage door goes up.
If guys had they periods, they would compare the size of their tampons.
Boy will be boys but one day all girls will be women.
What did God say after creating man? I can do so much better.
Why do jocks play on artificial turf? To keep them from grazing.
A plane is descending rapidly from the air, and the passengers are all scared stiff. Suddenly a women near the front of the plane stands up and takes off her shirt. She proceeds to yell, "Is there a man on this plane that can make me feel like a REAL woman before I die?!" She continues to yell this for about ten minutes before a man in the very back takes a stand. He proceeds to say "Yeah I can make you feel like a woman." He then takes off his shirt and throws it towards her and says, "Here! Iron this!"
What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift to women? Exchange him.
This man was talking to a group of men at a bar and he said, "In my house I am the boss, I say when the laundry is done and when the cooking is made and when the dishes are washed." One of the guys at the table said, "How long have you been married?" The man says, "Oh I'm not married I'm single!"
Why don't men like to drink coffee at work? It keeps them awake.
Question: Why do men die before their wives? Answer: Because they want to.