Jose approaches the Mexican border on his bicycle.
Hanging from his shoulders he has two large, bulky bags.
The border patrol guard stops him and says,"Hey mister what ya got in those bags?"
"Just sand," replied Jose.
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How is being at a singles bar different from going to the circus?
At the circus the clowns don't talk.
A man walks into a clock shop where a beautiful woman is working.
He walks to the counter unzips his fly and pulls out his cock.
The woman screams "excuse me sir this is a CLOCK SHOP".
I know replied the man "I want two hands and a face put on this".
Why is sleeping with a man like a soap opera?
Just when it's getting interesting, they're finished until next time.
A guy sits down at the bar and orders drink after drink rapidly.
“Is everything okay, pal?”, the bartender asks.
“My wife and I got into a fight and she said she isn’t talking to me for a month!”.
Trying to put a positive spin on things, the bartender says, “Well, maybe that’s kind of a good thing.
You know, a little peace and quiet?”
“Yeah. But today is the last day”.
Q:What’s the difference between Ross Perot and Barack Obama?
A:Ross Perot is crackpot with big ears and Barack Obama is a pothead with big ears.
What is a man's idea of foreplay?
A half hour of begging.
Doc, says Steve, "I want to be castrated."
"What on Earth for?"
"It's something I've been thinking about for a long time.
If you don't do it, I'll just go to another doctor."
"OK, but it's against my better judgment."
Steve has his operation.
The next day he walks down the hospital corridor very slowly, legs apart, with his drip stand.
Heading toward him is another patient walking exactly the same way.
"Hi there," says Steve, "It looks as if you've just had the same operation as me."
"Yeah," says the patient, "I finally decided I'd like to be circumcised."
Steve's eyes widen in horror, "Oh no! That's the word!"
I love the lines the men use to get us into bed: "Please, I'll only put it in for a minute."
What am I...? A microwave?
Vote:
What do you call the useless piece of skin on a penis? The man.