He: Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you in
the worst way.
She: Well, you succeeded.
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Bob saw his doctor and asked if he had ever laughed at a patient.
"In over 20 years I haven't because I try to remain professional."
With that Bob dropped his trousers revealing the tiniest dick the doctor had ever seen.
It wasn't any bigger than a AAA battery.
The doctor burst into uncontrolable hysteria.
"I'm sorry I really am, I don't know what came over me, I promise it won't happen again.
Now what seems to be the problem?"
"It's swollen" said Bob.
A woman of 35 thinks of having children. What does a man of 35 think of?
Dating children.
While reading the newspaper, Walter came across an article about a beautiful actress and model who married a boxer who was not noted for his IQ.
"I'll never understand," he said to his wife, "why the biggest jerks get the most attractive wives."
His wife replied: "Thank you, dear!"
"Lisa, why are you so angry with me?"
"Because I'm Christine."
Three women were sitting around throwing back a few drinks and talking about their sex lives.
Karen said, "I call my husband the dentist because nobody can drill like he does."
Joanne giggled and confessed, "I call my husband the miner, because of his incredible shaft."
Kathy quietly sipped her whiskey until Joanne finally asked, "Well, what do you call your boyfriend?"
Kathy frowned and said, "The postman." Looking puzzeled Joanne asked, "Why the postman?"
"Because… he always delivers late and half the time it’s in the wrong box."
A plane is descending rapidly from the air, and the passengers are all scared stiff.
Suddenly a women near the front of the plane stands up and takes off her shirt.
She proceeds to yell, "Is there a man on this plane that can make me feel like a REAL woman before I die?!"
She continues to yell this for about ten minutes before a man in the very back takes a stand. He proceeds to say "Yeah I can make you feel like a woman."
He then takes off his shirt and throws it towards her and says, "Here! Iron this!"
Men are divided into two groups: 50% are wise and 50% have married.
Two friends meet each other on the street.”Hello! Where are you coming from?” asked Bill.”
Oh, don’t ask me! I’m coming from the cemetery.
I just buried my mother-in-law” replied Sid.
”I’m so sorry!” said Bill, “But why is your face scratched all over?”.
”It wasn’t so easy!” said Sid, “She put on a hell of a fight!”
Q: What is difference between man and Superman?
A: Man wears underwear under the trouser and superman wears it over the trouser.