Joke #3425

He: Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you in the worst way. She: Well, you succeeded.
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"Lisa, why are you so angry with me?" "Because I'm Christine."
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How can you tell when a man is well hung? When you can just barely slip your finger between his neck and the noose.
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10 things men don't say 1)Let's watch Lifetime. 2)Sex is overrated. 3)I don't want to go too far on the first date. 4)Yes, your sister does have bigger breasts than you. 5)Don't we owe your mother a visit? 6)I'm relieved I don't have a large penis weighing me down. 7)Dessert goes right to my hips. 8)I hate when I miss Oprah. 9)Does this suit make me look fat? 10)I'll never get tired of listening to Dido.
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Men are like.....Laxatives. They irritate the shit out of you.
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Q. What do you call a sensitive, intelligent man? A. An oxymoron.
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Why did the blonde have a sore belly button? Because there are blonde men too!
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Q. Why were men given larger brains than dogs? A. So they wouldn't hump women's legs at cocktail parties.
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Something Special For His Birthday It was Jim's birthday, and he was considered to be an "old man" by his friends standards. So, to liven him up a bit, Jim's friends decided to give him something special for his birthday. They bought him a hooker. The call girl, as she preferred to be called, went to his house and knocked on the door. When Jim answered, she said "Hi I'm your birthday present!" Startled, he asked "What am I supposed to do with you?" "I'm yours for super sex," she answers. So Jim replied "Well, I'm 75 years old so I'll have the soup."
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Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying? For the same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
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After being away on business, Tim thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift. "How about some perfume?" he asked the cosmetics clerk. She showed him a $50.00 bottle. "That’s a bit much," said Tim, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30.00. "That’s still quite a bit," Tim complained. Growing annoyed, the clerk brought out a tiny $15.00 bottle. "What I mean," said Tim, "is I’d like to see something really cheap." The clerk handed him a mirror.
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