Q. What's the difference between men and government bonds?
A. Bonds mature.
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Men are like.....Popcorn.
They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman.
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Eleven people were hanging on a rope under a helicopter, ten men and one woman.
The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one has to drop off, otherwise they are all going to fall.
They were not able to choose that person, but then the woman made a very touching speech.
She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because as woman she was used to giving up everything for her husband and kids, and for men in general, without ever getting anything in return.
As soon as she finished her speech, all the men started clapping their hands.
What do you have when you have two little balls in your hand?
A man's undivided attention.
"What is the thickest book in the world?
What Men Think They Know About Women."
A man parachuted out of an aeroplane and his chute did not open.
As he headed for almost certain death, he saw a man coming up toward him through the air from the ground.
As the man zoomed by, the man headed down asked, "Do you know anything about parachutes?"
The man replied in passing, "No, you know anything about gas stoves?"
A man walks into a clock shop where a beautiful woman is working.
He walks to the counter unzips his fly and pulls out his cock.
The woman screams "excuse me sir this is a CLOCK SHOP".
I know replied the man "I want two hands and a face put on this".
How does a man take a bubble bath?
He eats beans for dinner.
How do you know a man is really a bad dancer?
When he can still step on Dolly Parton's toes.