Joke #5407

At the airport for a business trip, I settled down to wait for the boarding announcement at Gate 35. Then I heard the voice on the public address system saying, "We apologize for the inconvenience, but Delta Flight 570 will board from Gate 41." So my family picked up our luggage and carried it over to Gate 41. Not ten minutes later the public address voice told us that Flight 570 would in fact be boarding from Gate 35. So, again, we gathered our carry-on luggage and returned to the original gate. Just as we were settling down, the public address voice spoke again: "Thank you for participating in Delta's physical fitness program."

Why are black people so good at Basketball? Cause all you have to do is RUN, SHOOT and STEAL.

Guy: "You see doc, the problem is obesity runs in the family." Doctor: "No, the problem is no one runs in your family."

Chuck Norris won gold for sitting in the crowd at the olympics.

A blind man was describing his favorite sport - parachuting. When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him: "I am placed in the door and told when to jump. My hand is placed on my release ring for me, and out I go." "But how do you know when you are going to land?" he was asked. "I have a very keen sense of smell and I can smell the trees and grass when I am 300 feet from the ground," he answered. But how do you know when to lift your legs for the final arrival on the ground?" he was again asked. He quickly answered "Oh, the dog's leash goes slack."

Golfer: "Well caddy, do you like my game?" Caddy: "Very good, sir! But personally I prefer golf."

Chuck Norris won gold for sitting in the crowd at the olympics.

Is your goalmouth open? High five!

Superman is faster then a speeding bullet. Chuck Norris just runs Superman down and keeps going.

A psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving give an oral quiz to the freshman class. Speaking specifically about manic depression, the instructor asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?" A young man in the rear of the room raised his hand and answered, "A basketball coach?"

Three babies in the womb discuss what they would like to be when they grow up. The first one says, "I wanna be a plumber, so I can fix the pipes in here." The second one says, "I wanna be an electrician, so I can get some lights in here." The third one says, "I wanna be a boxer." The others look confused and ask, "Why do you want to be a boxer?" He proudly replies, "So I can beat the hell out of that rude bald guy who keeps coming in here and spitting on us."