Joke #2601

A teacher walks into her classroom and turns to the children and says, Today kids im going to ask you what job your daddy has! She turns to the first child and says, What job dose your daddy have tina?? She replies; he is a carpenter miss. The teacher turns to the next child and repeats the question...the child says he is the head of a multi-organic food chain. Very good indeed says miss..........she turns to the next child and says. What job does your daddy have Robert?? He replies... He's a male prostitute miss; and demands 50 quid. No,No,No your lying to me Robert i can tell! Ok then miss you got me i confess......................................... HE PLAYS RUGBY FOR ENGLAND BUT IM TO ASHAMED TO SAY!!!

Two guys are talking about their boss's upcoming wedding. One bloke says, "It's ridiculous, he's rich, but he's 95 years old, and she's just 24! What kind of a wedding is that?" The other says, "Well, we have a name for it in my family." "What do you call it?" "We call it a football wedding." The first asks, "What's a football wedding?" The other says, "She's waiting for him to kick off!"

After a long day of winter sporting, we headed back to the ski lodge. As it was small, a cramped place to stay, we decided it was most fitting to sleep in the same bed. Myself in the middle and my two friends either side of me. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right woke up and said, "I have had a dream where I was given the best handjob ever!" A few minutes later, the guy on my left woke up and said: "I have had a dream that I was given the best handjob ever!" I replied, "well that's funny... I thought I was skiing."

A lawyer and a basketball player want to make a deal. Suggest a place where both of them would be happy to meet. Of course, they should at the court.

Twenty feet below sea level, a diver notices another guy at the same depth with no scuba gear. The diver goes down another 10 feet, and the guy joins him a minute later. The diver goes below 15 more feet, and a minute later, the same guy joins him. The diver takes out a waterproof pad and pencil and writes, "How are you able to stay this deep without equipment?" The guy takes the pencil and pad and writes, "I'm drowning, you moron!"

Chuck Norris once won the Iditarod by pulling his team of dogs on the sled.

Why is Cinderella such a bad football player? Because she has a pumpkin for a coach and she ran away from the ball.

Chuck Norris has won tennis match against a wall.

Q: What do you get when you combine a Starbucks and Yoga class? A: I don't know, but there's probably a hipster close by.

Yo mama so stupid I told her I was going to the Super Bowl and she told me not to forget a spoon.

Four men were stranded in a desert. Suddenly, 1 of them died. The other 3 decided that the only way to survive was to eat the dead body. The 1st man said, "I support Liverpool, so I'll eat his liver." The 2nd man said, "I support Manchester, so I'll eat his chest." The 3rd man said, "I support Arsenal... but I'm not very hungry!"