An old county doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby.
It was so far out that there was no electricity.
Then the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her 5 year old child.
The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern high so he could see while he helped the woman deliver the baby.
The child did so, the mother pushed, and after a little while, the doctor lifted the new born baby by the feet and spanked him on the bottom to get him to take his first breath.
"Hit him again," the child said.
"He shouldn't have crawled up there in the first place!"
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A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party in a bar.
When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned: "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit.
"And why not, darling?", the father asked.
You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning."
Q. Which famous celebrity has had the most children over the last 10 years?
A. Michael Jackson
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Come on guys, I think we are a little tough on pedophiles, they have a hard time fitting in.
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Q: What did one tube of glue say to the other tube of glue?
A: We have to stick together.
Chuck Norris can't have children, because his dick wouldn't fit.
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Little Johnny and Mary were standing at the beach in their bathing suits.
Johnny says to Mary, hey you show me yours and I'll show you mine.
Mary says ok, and drops her bathing suit the same time as Johnie.
He look and gasps you don't got one of these, but Mary laughs and says Yea, but with one of these I can get as many of those I want.
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Sometimes I wonder if I'm pregnant and then I realize I would have to be like 19 months pregnant.
Panic: When your babysitter calls to ask where you keep the fire extinguisher.
I hope the children will never find out why I say "oops..." so often when I vacuum their rooms.
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