If I had only one day left to live, I would live it in my math class: it would seem so much longer.
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Q:What is the difference between a mathematician and a philosopher?
A: The mathematician only needs paper, pencil, and a trash bin for his work.
The philosopher can do without the trash bin.
Little Johnny's teacher asks him, "If I have 5 cookies, and I give you 2, how many cookies do I have left?"
Little Johnny replies, "Zero, you're giving me more than just 3 cookies. I'm taking all 5 baby!"
The teacher just facepalms herself. "I can strongly suggest that you work on your math skills Johnny." the teacher suggests.
"Oh I know math, one man plus one girl, subtract a condom, equals a baby!" Little Johnny says.
How I see math word problems:
If you have 4 pencils and 7 apples, how many pancakes will fit on the roof?
Purple, because aliens don't wear hats.
I got 99 problems and being upside down ain't one.
Ok wait I got 66 problems.
Q: Why can't a blonde dial 911?
A: Because she couldn't find the 11
I'll admit that the Chinese kids in math class are pretty smart.
But doing it with their eyes closed... that's a bit cocky.
Chuck Norris is the only person to know pi, because when he puts it into the calculator, the calculator doesn't dare give him only part of it.
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A mathematician, physicist and economist after Titanic crash on uninhabited island in the middle of Atlantic ocean.
Starving to death they found a can of roastbeef.
They start debating how to open the can without can-opener.
Mathematician suggests to drop the can from the cliff to open it.
Physicist proposes to heat the can on bonfire.
Economist: "Let's suppose the can is opened...."
Infinity mathematicians came to bar.
First one ordered 1 glass of beer, second a half, third a quarter...
The barman interrupted them: "Assholes, here are 2 beers!"
Q: How many cost accountants does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Hmmm... I'll just do a few numbers and get back to you.
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