How I see math word problems: If you have 4 pencils and 7 apples, how many pancakes will fit on the roof? Purple, because aliens don't wear hats.
An astronomer, a physicist and a mathematician are on a train in Scotland. The astronomer looks out of the window, sees a black sheep standing in a field, and remarks, "How odd. Scottish sheep are black." "No, no, no!" says the physicist. "Only some Scottish sheep are black." The mathematician rolls his eyes at his companions' muddled thinking and says, "In Scotland, there is at least one field, containing at least one sheep, at least one side of which appears black from here."
I'll admit that the Chinese kids in math class are pretty smart. But doing it with their eyes closed... that's a bit cocky.
Count from one to ten. That's how long it would take Chuck Norris to kill you... Forty seven times.
A dumb blonde was really tired of being made fun of, so she decided to have her hair she would look like a brunette. When she had brown hair, she decided to take a drive in the country. After she had been driving for a while, she saw a farmer and a flock of sheep and thought, "Oh! Those sheep are so adorable!" She got out and walked over to the farmer and said, "If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one home?" The farmer, being a bit of a gambler himself, said she could have a try. The blonde looked at the flock and guessed, "157." The farmer was amazed - she was right! So the blonde, (who looked like a brunette), picked one out and got back into her car. Before she left, farmer walked up to her and said. "If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?"
Q: Why couldn't the blonde write the number eleven? A: She didn't know what one came first.
Q: Why do you rarely find mathematicians spending time at the beach? A: Because they can divide sin and cosine to get a tan!
Once a teacher asked one of her students to memorize the numbers from 1-10. And that night when he was memorizing he saw his mother drinking 7up, so the next day the teacher asked the student to say the numbers that he memorized so he replied," 1-2-3-4-5-6-8-9-10". The teacher was confused so she asked the student," Where is the 7" so he said," my mom drank it last night!"
Why are rabbits like calculators? They both multiply a lot.
What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don't? Depreciation.
Mathematics is made of 50 percent formulas, 50 percent proofs, and 50 percent imagination.