Joke #5497

This young boy named Don walked into a whorehouse, slammed his money on the counter and said, "I want a woman!" The man behind the counter asked, "How old are you? "Don, replied, "I'm 17! "The man said, "Your too young, come back when your older, mean while practice on trees. "A year later Don once again came back to the whorehouse, swung the front door open, then shut, stomped over to the front desk and slammed his money on the counter harder then before. He screamed, "GIVE ME A WOMAN!" The man behind the counter said, "How old are you?" Don, shouted, "I AM 18!" The man took Don's money and said, "OK, up stairs, second door on the left." Don didn't miss a beat. He ran up those stairs so fast he skipped every other step. It wasn't about 5 minutes later when the man behind the counter heard the whore up stairs screaming in complete and utter agony. So he jumped over the counter and ran up the stairs. Once at the room he kicked in the door and to his surprise Don had a broomstick shoved right up the whore's p*ssy. The man shouted, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" Don simply replied, "Checking for squirrels..."

Yo mama so fat when you have sex with her you have to slap her stomach and ride the wave in.

Now there's a rack I'd like to be stretched out on.

Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!" His buddy looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, rub my hands on my wife's ass and say, 'How about a blowjob?' ....and she's always sound asleep."

A rich man and a poor man were sitting at a bar having a few drinks and they got chatting. after a while they realise both of there wedding anniverserys are the next day. Poor man, "What did you get your wife for her wedding anniversery?" Rich man, "I got her a pink farrari and a diamond ring." Poor man, "What made you choose those gifts?" Rich man, "She loves fast cars and I wasnt sure about the ring so if she doesnt like it, she can take it back in her new car... " The poor, "Man nodds in agreement." Rich man, "What did you get your wife?" Poor man, "I got my wife a pair of cheep slippers and a dildo." Rich man, "Why did you choose those gifts?" Poor man, " Well if she doesnt like the slippers she can go f*uck herself."

boy: spell "me" girl: M-E boy: but you forgot the D girl: there's no D in me boy: not yet ;)

Q: Chuck Norris invented the internet? A: Just so he had a place to store his porn.

One day a tiny Apache indian child walked into Big Chief Sitting Bull's Teepee. "Sitting Bull," He asked, "Why does every man in our tribe have such long, complicated names?" "Well," says Sitting Bull, "Its simple.Whenever a baby in this tribe is born, His Father wanders outside, absorbs the wonder of nature and then names his child on the first thing he sees. Why do you ask, Two dogs fucking?"

My friend over there really wants your number so he knows where to get a hold of me in the morning.

Q: How are rape and an airplane similar? A: The ride gets more annoying when the kid starts screaming.

A kid walks by his parents having sex asks what's going on and his mother tells him, "We are making fishsticks". The next day the kid says, "Mom were you making fishsticks again?" And she says "Why, yes, how did you know, honey?" And the kid replies, "Well, you have a little tarter sauce on your mouth."