Joke #2813

I knew I was gonna get along with my mother's boyfriend just fine. Cause when we met, I said to him "Hi Mr. Bob, How are you doing?" He said: "Oh you don't have to Mr. Bob me, just call me motherfucker".

My girlfriend came out of the shower and said, "I shaved my pussy you know what that means?" I said, "Yeah the fucking drain is clogged again."

Q: What's the difference between 3 d*cks and a joke? A: Your mom can't take a joke.

My favorite sexual position is called "The Osama"... its where I burst into your room and blow a load on your face.

I bought a racehorse today, I called him My Face. I don't care if he doesn't win, I just want to hear a load of posh twats shouting, "Come on My Face."

Q. What do you call two lesbians with their period? A. Finger painting.

A man is driving his eighteen wheeler down the road, when he sees a hitch hiker. So the trucker stops and picks up the man. While they are driving down the road, the trucker says "Hey man, you wanna see something pretty cool?" The hitch hiker says sure. So the trucker has this monkey in the back, and he makes it come up with the men, and he smacks the monkey up side his head, and the monkey gives him a blow job. So after that, the trucker says "Hey man, do you want some of that?" And the hitch hiker says "Sure, but just don't smack me so hard."

Want to make a porno? We don't have to tape it.

Undertaker to bereaved husband. When did you 1st notice your wife was dead? Well he replies, "The s*x was the same but the dishes were starting too pile up."

Did you hear about the two poofters who went to London? They were really pissed off when they found out Big Ben was a clock.

This guy from up north just up and one day moved down south to start himself a farm. He came across this man and asked him where he could get a good donkey to pull a cart and plow. The man said I've got just what you need. Only thing is down here we don't call them donkeys we call them an ass. He said when this ass stops you'll have to get off the cart and slap them to get it going again. The northern man thanks him and heads on his way. He comes up to a man seeking chickens. He says to the man, I'd like to buy a rooster and a hen. The guy sai d sure thing but down here we don't call em roosters and hens. We call them a cock and a pullet. The man from up north says ok, thanks the man and is on his way. He going along in his cart when his donkey stops in the middle of the road. He remembers what the man said he had to do to get it going. Just then a lady is walking by. So he walks up to her and says, "excuse me miss, but will you hold my cock and pullet while I slap my ass."