I knew I was gonna get along with my mother's boyfriend just fine.
Cause when we met, I said to him "Hi Mr. Bob, How are you doing?"
He said: "Oh you don't have to Mr. Bob me, just call me motherfucker".
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Q: When is the only time a guy can multi-task?
A: When he's watching porn, masturbating, and keeping an eye on the door at the same time...
Vote:
Sometimes I wish I was a bird: I would fly over certain people and shit on their heads.
Roses are red
lemons are sour.
Open your legs
and give me an hour.
Pr*stitute in the police station.
The desk officer sayes "so when did you realise you were raped ?"
She replies ... "when the cheque bounced !"
Why do people say 'Grow some balls?'
Balls are weak and sensitive.
If you wanna be tough, grow a vagina.
Those things can take a pounding.
Mr. Smith, the biology instructor at a Highschool, said during class, “Miss Jones, would you please name the organ of the human body, which under the appropriate conditions, expands to six times its normal size, and define the conditions.”
Miss Jones gasped, then said, “Mr. Smith, I do not think that is a proper question to ask me. I assure you my parents will hear of this.” With that she sat down red-faced.
Unperturbed, Mr. Smith called on Miss Brown and asked the same question. Miss Brown, replied, “The pupil of the eye, in dim light.”
“Correct,” said Mr. Smith. “And now, Miss Jones, I have three things to say to you. One, you have not studied your lesson. Two, you have a dirty mind. And three, you will some day be faced with a dreadful disappointment."
A man named Jed went hunting near the border of Alabama and Georgia.
When he was going back to his truck, a game warden came up to him and asked him what he had in the sack.
"Three rabbits," Jed said.
The warden said, "Let me see one of those rabbits."
So Jed pulled out one of the rabbits.
The warden stuck his finger in the rabbit's butthole, pulled it out, smelled it and said, "This is a Georgia rabbit."
Then the warden said, "Let me see your Georgia huntin' license."
So Jed showed him.
Then the warden said, "Let me see another one of those rabbits."
So Jed pulled out another rabbit.
Then the warden stuck his finger in the rabbit's bunghole, tasted it and said, "This is a Alamba rabbit. Let me see your Alamba huntin' license."
So Jed showed them to him. Then the Warden said, "Where you from boy?"
So Jed pulled his pants down and said, "You figure it out!"
Forget that! Playing doctor is for kids! Let's play gynecologist.
There were three women sitting at a bar, talking about how loose they were.
One woman said that her husband could fit his arm in up to his elbow.
The next woman said her man could fit his leg in up to his knee.
The last woman just slid over the bar stool.