I knew I was gonna get along with my mother's boyfriend just fine.
Cause when we met, I said to him "Hi Mr. Bob, How are you doing?"
He said: "Oh you don't have to Mr. Bob me, just call me motherfucker".
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Why was the BLIND blonde sitting on newspaper?
So she can lip read.
A man is on a plane.
The pilot starts talking on the intercom and then lays it down without knowing its still on.
The pilot says to the co-pilot, "I could use two things right now, a cup of coffee and a blowjob."
Stuartist runs up the isle to tell the pilot to turn off the intercom.
The man stands up and says, "Hey hun, dont forget the coffee."
Several years ago, Great Britain funded a study to determine why the head on a man's penis is larger than the shaft.
The study took two years and cost over $1.2 million.
The study concluded that the reason the head of a man's penis is larger than the shaft was to provide the man with more pleasure during sex.
After the results were published, France decided to conduct their own study on the same subject.
They were convinced that the results of the British study was incorrect.
After three years of research at a cost of in excess of $2 million, the French researchers concluded that the head of a man's penis is larger than the shaft to provide the woman with more pleasure during sex.
When the results of the French study were released, Canada decided to conduct their own study.
The Canucks didn't really trust British or French studies.
So, after nearly three weeks of intensive research and a cost of right around $75.00, the Canadian study was complete.
They concluded that the reason the head on a man's penis is larger than the shaft is to prevent your hand from flying off and hitting you in the forehead!
What starts with a 'C', ends with a 'T', and is hairy on the outside and moist on the inside?
Coconut.... What were you thinking?
Q: How do you circumcise a whale?
A: With four skin-divers.
Are you a shark?
Cause I've got some swimmers for you to swallow.
Q: Why did the man put condoms on his ears during sex?
A: He didn't want to get hearing aids.
Pr*stitute in the police station.
The desk officer sayes "so when did you realise you were raped ?"
She replies ... "when the cheque bounced !"
Q: How do you cancel an appointment at a sperm bank?
A: Tell them you can't cum.
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