What starts with "F" and ends with "UCK"?
"firetruck"! What were you thinking?
What starts with "P" and ends with "ORN"?
"popcorn"! What were you thinking?!
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A Saudi prince recently requested that naked statues be covered up while visiting Rome.
Apparently his 9 year old wife found them offensive.
The parish priest needs his house painted so he offers the job to one of his altar boys.
The first day the kid paints the entire inside of the house, he’s sweating like hell but eventually gets it finished.
The priest commends him on the work and with a flourish hands him a £5.00 note.
The boy looks at the money and says to the priest, "Thanks very much Father,...you’re a virgin."
The priest is a bit startled but makes no remark.
The next day the boy has to paint the outside of the house; it’s a really hot day and he just manages to finish the job without collapsing.
The priest looks at the job and this time gives the lad another £5.00 note.
Once again the lad looks at the money and says, "Thanks very much Father, you really are a virgin."
At this stage the priest decides to take action.
"Tommy," he says, "that’s twice you’ve called me a virgin. Do you have any idea what the word means?"
"Yes," says the kid, "a tight cunt."
Can you help me achieve a coronal mass ejection?
Why do midgets laugh when they play soccer?
because the grass tickles their balls :)
Insurance companies are trying to set new guidelines before approving Viagra coverage.
What will they use to set those guidelines?
A growth chart.
Success is like pregnancy.
Everybody congratulates you but nobody knows how many times you got fucked to achieve it.
Q: What do the Mafia and a pussy have in common?
A: One slip of the tongue, and you're in deep shit.
A New Zealander walking along the road with a sheep under each arm.
He meets another New Zealander who says "you sheerin' mate?" and the first guy replies "naw, they're all mine"
Q: What do a gay and a garbage truck have in common?
A: Both take it in the rear.