Joke #5559

A man is participating in a golf tournament. He was left to golf with just his caddy. On his tee-off, the golfer's ball lands in a patch of buttercups. The caddy tells the golfer he can take the ball onto the course, and he won't take a one stroke penalty. However, the golfer refuses and takes the ball out of the buttercups and takes the stroke penalty. Suddenly, Mother Nature appears. "What you just did was amazing. I am so proud that you enjoy nature and all of its beauty. For your reward, I will give you a lifetime supply of butter." "Thanks," says the man. "But where were you last week when my ball landed in the pussywillows?"

Q: What did the basketball say to the player? A: Please don't shoot me.

The stock market really plummeted today, but luckily there is a computer chip that is used to turn off the board if it gets too low. The Cubs have the same chip in there scoreboard.

There was a terrible tragedy concerning the local ice hockey team. They drowned during spring training.

Golfer: "Think I'm going to drown myself in the lake." Caddy: "I don't think you can keep your head down that long."

Chuck Norris plays racquetball with a waffle iron and a bowling ball.

Why are football stadiums always cool? "Because they're full of fans."

Once Chuck Norris swam all the oceans for 7 days and oceans got cold.

Michael was watching the derby game between Manchester United and Liverpool; Old Trafford was packed and there was only one empty seat – next to Michael. ‘Who does that seat belong to?’ asked the person in the next seat. ‘My wife usually sits there.’ Michael replied. ‘But why isn’t she here?’ the neighbor persisted ‘She died.’ Said Michael in a matter-of-fact tone. ‘So why didn’t you give the ticket to one of your friends?’ ‘They’ve all gone to the funeral.’ said Michael.

I told my girlfriend I had a job in a bowling alley.. She said "Tenpin?" I said, "No, permanent."

Golf is a game in which the slowest people in the world are those in front of you, and the fastest are those behind.