What do you call a blonde that can suck a golf ball through a garden hose? "Darling."
Q: Why is horse racing so romantic? A: Because the horse hugs the rails, the jockey puts his arms around the horse and you can kiss your money goodbye.
"Waiter, these noodles are a bit crunchy." Waiter: "That's because they're the chopsticks, sir."
Micheal Jordan to Chuck Norris: I can spin a ball on my finger for over two hours. Can you? Chuck Norris: (laughs) How do you think the earth spins?
Why is it so hot in a stadium after a football game? Because all the fans have left.
I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how to do the splits. He said, "How flexible are you?" I said, "I can't make Tuesdays or Thursdays."
At a divorce court a family of bears is waiting for the judge to grant custody of little bear. The judge asks the baby bear, "Do you want to live with papa bear?" The baby bear replied, "No he beats me." The judge asked, so do you want to live with mommy bear! The baby bear said, "No she beats me too." The judge asked, "Then whom do you want to live with?" The baby bear says, "The Chicago bears, they don't beat anyone!"
Why do golfers wear two pairs of trousers? In case they get a hole in one!
Why are black people so good at Basketball? Cause all you have to do is RUN, SHOOT and STEAL.
The boxer fells down in the fourth round. The referee starts counting. Billy’s grandmother gets up on her legs from the first row and screams: Stop counting for nothing, he won’t get up! I know him from the buss...
Why do men need instant replay on TV sports? Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.