Joke #5594

What has ten letters and starts with gas? An automobile.

A businessman was flying on a plane surrounded by hundreds of kids. A lady went and sat down next to him. She asked, "Are these all your kids?" The man replied, "No, I just work at a condom factory, these are all the complaints".

Yo' Mama is so stupid, she gave your kids a "Yo' Grandmama Is So Stupid" joke book.

4-year-old: Why are you my dad? Me: Because I made you. 4: How? Me: ... 4: O.o Me: ... 4: O.O Me: With Legos.

Me and my wife decided that we don't want to have children anymore. So anybody who wants one can leave us their phone number and address and we will bring you one.

He’s been hitting the bottle for years. He’ll be two tomorrow.

Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were having a conversation one fine Sunday evening. One remarked to the other, ‘I got a new hearing device and it works fine?' The second said, ‘oh yes, my grandchildren just love the gifts of my choice.' The third one who noticed the hearing device in the ear of the first one asked, what kind is it?' The one with the brand new hearing device answered ‘about 6 O'clock'. All three of them looked up in the birds in the sky and said, "Birds of the same feather ‘flock' together."

Accountant after reading a nursery rhyme to his child,"No, son. It wouldn't be tax deductible when Little Bo Peep loses her sheep. But I like your thinking."

Q: Why can't orphans play baseball? A: They don't know where home is.

TEACHER: Why would you paint something black? STUDENT: So it runs faster.

A father went to take his daughter from school. While waiting, he heard her talking with a classmate of hers "I worry so much-..! My dad works 16 hours a day so he can build a dream house for when I grow up. My mom spends her days cooking for me, making deserts and tiding my room so I can have fun. I worry. I’m so worried!" "With that kind of parents you have nothing to worry about," her friend told her. "Yeah, but what if... What if they... What if they... ESCAPE?"