What has ten letters and starts with gas? An automobile.
Chuck Norris can't have children, because his dick wouldn't fit.
Little Lucy met Little Johnny after school and ask him, "Johnny do you you think I'm cute?" Little Johnny looked at her from head to toe irritably and replied. "Roses are red. Your blood is too. You look like a monkey. And belong in a zoo. Do not worry, I'll be there too. Not in the cage, But laughing at you".
When Chuck Norris wants to burn calories, he throws fat kids into a camp fire.
A teacher comes to the home of one naughty kid: "Is your mom at home?" "Nope, she's not here", says the naughty kid, quite scared. "And your father?" "No, he has hidden away as well..."
A second grader came home from school and said to her mother, "Mom, guess what? We learned how to make babies today." The mother, more that a little surprised, tried to keep her cool. "That's interesting," she said, "How do you make babies?" "It's simple," replied the girl. "You just change 'y' to 'i' and add 'es'."
What did the green grape say to the purple grape? Breath!!!!
Yo momma's so old her first job was as Cain and Abel' babysitter.
Yo mama so fat when she walked out in August in her yellow sun dress and the kids said mommy its time for school.
A father, as he was going home, he saw his daughter on the porch, kissing a guy goodnight. Disturbed, he turned to the guy. "In our home, young man, we turn of the light at 11 o'clock, sharp!" "Oh, Thank you so much Sir! That's so convenient! Thanks!"
Husband: "Good night mother of my three sons." Wife: "Same to you father of none."