Joke #5594

What has ten letters and starts with gas? An automobile.

A middle-aged couple, with two beautiful daughters, decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted. Soon, the wife became pregnant, and, nine months later, delivered a baby boy. The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son, but was horrified to find an incredibly-ugly baby. He went to his wife and said, "I cannot possibly be the father of that hideous child. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered." When his wife blushed, he became suspicious, and demanded, "Have you been fooling around on me?" His wife confessed, "Not this time."

There was a business man driving down this country road when he spotted a little boy that had a lemonade stand. It being hot and him being thirsty, he decided to stop. Once he got up to the little boy's stand, he noticed a sign that said "All you can drink 10 cents," and a single, very small glass. Well, he thought that it was an awful small glass, but since it was only 10 cents for all you can drink, he decided to get some anyway. He gave the boy a dime, and shot down the whole glass in one swig. He slapped the glass back onto the table and said, "fill 'er up." The kid replieds, "Sure thing, that'll be 10 cents." To this the business man said, "But your sign says all you can drink for a dime." "It is," the little boy replies, "That's all you can drink for a dime."

When Chuck Norris was a child, he would play with real logs instead of Lincoln logs.

Q: What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish? A: Every morning you'll rise and shine!

Two little kids are in hospital beds next to each other. The first kid leans over and asks, “What are you in here for?” The second kid says, “I’m in here to get my tonsils out and I’m a little nervous.” The first kid says, “You’ve got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of jelly and ice-cream. It’s a breeze.” “Cool,” says the second kid.” “What are you in here for?” “A circumcision.” “Whoa!” exclaims the second kid. “Good luck, mate. I had that done just after I was born and I couldn’t walk for a year.”

There was a couple wanted to go out for dinner for their anniversary but they didn’t make it with the babysitter so they had nowhere to leave their little boy! After a lot of talk father came up with an idea! "We will put a vinyl at the pickup deck, something with kid-stories so our little boy will sleep at once and everything will be fine!" "Ok," said the wife. So,that is what they did and went out sure for their plan. After about 2 hours, they arrived back home and listen noise and the boy screaming: "I waaaant,i waaaant,i waaaaant…" They run up to boy’s room and saw the little boy hitting the wall and screaming the same words: "I waaaant!" They wonder about what happened and then they listened to the pickup: "Do you want to listen my story? Do you want to listen my story? Do you want to listen my story?"

What is height of Laziness? Adopting a child.

Two children are in a doctor’s waiting room, and one of them is crying. "Why are you crying?" asked the other child. "I’m here for a blood test, and they’re going to cut my finger." When he heard this, the other child started to cry. "Why are you crying?" "I’m here for a urine test."

A little girl asked her mother, "How did the human race appear?" The mother answered, "God made Adam and Eve and they had children, and so was all mankind made.." Two days later the girl asked her father the same question.. The father answered, "Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved." The confused girl returned to her mother and said, "Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?" The mother answered, "Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his."

Billy was excited about his first day at school. So excited in fact, that only a few minutes after class started, he realized that he desperately needed to go to the bathroom. So Billy raised his hand politely to ask if he could be excused. Of course the teacher said yes, but asked Billy to be quick. Five minutes later Billy returned, looking more desperate and embarrassed. "I can’t find it," he admitted. The teacher sat Billy down and drew him a little diagram to where he should go and asked him if he will be able to find it now. Billy looked at the diagram, said "yes" and went on his way. A short while later he returned to the class room and said to the teacher "I still can’t find it." Frustrated, the teacher asked Tommy, a boy who had been at the school for awhile, to help Billy find the bathroom. So Tommy and Billy left the classroom together and five minutes later they both return and sat down at their seats. The teacher asked Tommy "Well, did you find it?" Tommy was quick with his reply. "Oh sure, he just had his boxer shorts on backwards."