Joke #5594

What has ten letters and starts with gas? An automobile.

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."

A little girl asked her mother, "How did the human race appear?" The mother answered, "God made Adam and Eve and they had children, and so was all mankind made.." Two days later the girl asked her father the same question.. The father answered, "Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved." The confused girl returned to her mother and said, "Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?" The mother answered, "Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his."

How do Chinese people name their kids? Throw a spoon down the stairs. CHING CHANG CHONG TING.

Little Johnny’s 2nd grade teacher was quizzing them on the alphabet. “Johnny,” she says, “what comes after ‘O’?” Johnny says, “Yeah!”

Three women are discussing their teenage daughters. The first declares: “I was so shocked last week. I was tidying my daughter”s room and I found a packet of cigarettes under her pillow. I didn’t even know that she smoked!” “It gets worse than that,” says the second mother. “I was tidying my daughter”s room last week and I found a bottle of vodka under her bed. I didn’t even know that she drank!” “Oh, it gets even worse than that,” says the third mother. “I was tidying my daughter”s room last week and you”ll never guess what I found in her bedside cabinet: a packet of condoms! I didn’t even know that she had a penis!”

There once was two people Lisa and Brian They got married and had a child. The only problem was that the child was only a head, he had no arms, legs or torso. So all his life he was picked on and teased and he always wished he had a body. So when he turned 21 his dad took him to a bar and let him have his first beer ever. When he drank a whole bottle an arm popped out. When he drank more bottles more body parts popped out. After drinking many beers he finally had a whole body. As they left the bar, he was very drunk and was hit by a bus and he died. The moral of the story "Quit while you're a head."

What is a bunny's favorite music? Hip-hop.

Accountant after reading a nursery rhyme to his child,"No, son. It wouldn't be tax deductible when Little Bo Peep loses her sheep. But I like your thinking."

The housewife answered a knock on the door and found a total stranger standing on the doorstep. "Excuse me for disturbing you, ma'am," he said politely, "but I pass your house every morning on my way to work, and I've noticed that every day you appear to be hitting your son on the head with a loaf of bread." "That's right." "Every day you hit him on the head with a loaf of bread, and yet this morning you were beating him with a chocolate cake." "Well, today is his birthday."

On a men's bathroom wall, someone had hastily scrawled, "I slept with your mother." Underneath it, another person had written, "Go home dad, you're drunk."