A man goes to a psychologist and says, "Doc I got a real problem, I can't stop thinking about relations." The psychologist says, "Well let's see what we can find out", and pulls out his ink blots. "What is this a picture of?" he asks. The man turns the picture upside down then turns it around and states, "That's a man and a woman having relations." The psychologist says, "Very interesting," and shows the next picture. "And what is this a picture of?" The man looks and turns it in different directions and says, "That's a man and a woman having relations." The psychologists tries again with the third ink blot, and asks the same question, "What is this a picture of?" The patient again turns it in all directions and replies, "That's a man and a woman having relations." The psychologist states, "Well, yes, you do seem to be obsessed with relations." "Me!?" demands the patient. "You're the one who keeps showing me the dirty pictures!"
- "Didn't you read Lord of the Rings in high school"? - "No, I had sex in high school."
Apparently, he’s trying to become a father again, even though he’s now 87. And you have to admit that is an exceptionally low sperm count.
A man bought a Lie detector robot that slaps people who lie. He decided to test it at dinner: … DAD : Son where were you today during school hours? SON : At school (robot slaps the Son and he immediately changes his mind) Okay I went to the movies! DAD : Which one? SON : Harry Potter (robot slaps Son again!) Okay I was watching porno. DAD : What? When I was your age I didn’t even know porno! (robot slaps dad) MUM : hahahahaha! After all he is your Son! (robot gives Mum a hot dirty slap)
‘After making love, I said to my girl, “Was it good for you too?” And she said, “I don’t think this was good for anybody.”’ Garry Shandling
The woman was in bed with her lover and had just told him how stupid her Irish husband was when the door was thrown open and there stood her husband. He glared at her lover and bellowed, "What are you doing?" "There," said the wife, "didn’t I tell you he was stupid?"
Jones aside. ‘You’re in perfect health,’ he says. ‘Your wife didn’t give me an erection, either.’
I haven’t been the same since my testicles dropped. Mind you, I was hanging from a tree by them at the time.
The famous sex therapist was on the radio taking questions when a caller asked, ‘Doctor, why do men always want to marry a virgin?’ To which the doctor responded, ‘To avoid criticism.’
A ship with 30 sailors and one woman strands on a desert island. After one month the woman says: "I can not proceed in this way." And she suicides herself. After another month, the sailors say: "We can not proceed in this way." And they bury the woman. The next month, the sailors say: "We can not proceed in this way." And they dig up the woman.
Q: Why do women have two holes so close together? A: In case you miss.