Joke #5666

How many students does it take to change a light bulb? "Is it worth any bonus marks?"

“Dad, can you write in the dark?” “I think so. What is it you want me to write?” “Your name on this report card.”

Teacher: “Why are you late?” Boy: “Because of a sign down the road.” Teacher: “What does a sign have to do with your being late?” Boy: “The sign said, ‘School Ahead, Go Slow!’”

A redheaded man walks into a bar and sits next to another redheaded man. He orders a Guinness, and the 2nd redheaded man turns to him. "I'm guessing from that accent you're from Dublin?" he asks, in an Irish brogue. "Of course!" the 1st guy exclaims, "here, bartender, get this guy a Guinness, too." Their exchange continues: 1st: "Lemme ask you, what street did you grow up on?" 2nd: "St. Catherine Street. And you?" 1st: "St. Catherine Street, same as you!" 2nd: "Here, bartender, get this guy a Jameson! What school did you go to?" 1st: "St. Jospeh's Boy's Academy." 2nd: "Son of a bitch, I went to St. Joe's too! Bartender, get this guy a Jameson!" This continues, and as they find they had the same teachers and knew the same neighborhood kids, they proceed to get louder and drunker until a guy at the other end of the bar asks the bartender, "What's up with those two?" The bartender shrugs and says, "It's the O'Shaughnessy twins, they're drunk again."

At school one day, the teacher was trying to approach the topic of sex education and asked her students if they'd ever seen anything that was related to sex education on TV. Mary raised her hand and said she had seen a movie about women having babies. "Great," said the teacher, "that's very important." Then Judy raised her hand and told the teacher she had seen a TV show about people getting married. "Well, that has to do with it too," said the teacher. Then Johnny raised his hand and said he had seen a western where some Indians came riding over the hill and John Wayne shot them all. The teacher said, "Well, Johnny, that really doesn't have anything to do with sex education." "Yes it does," said Johnny, " it taught those Indians not to f**k with John Wayne."

Teacher: What makes you see? Bobyjack: My eyes, my nose and my ears. Teacher: True for the eyes but why for your ears and nose? Bobyjack: It's to hold my glasses!

In school, we had to do a skit demonstrating key concepts of the English language. My skit on the "diphthong" clearly demonstrated that the string micro-bikini was not a wise choice.

Mary can't stand Sunday school, but her brother William doesn't have a problem with it. So one day in Sunday school, Mary thinks, "The hell with it," and decides to go to sleep. The teacher sees this and asks Mary a question to keep her awake. "Mary, who created the heavens and the earth?" William, who is sitting behind Mary, pokes her in the butt with his pencil. Mary wakes up and shouts, "God almighty!" And the teacher says, "Yes. That's correct, Mary." Mary goes back to sleep and the teacher asks her another question. "Who died on the cross for our sins?" William pokes Mary again. She wakes up and shouts, "Jesus Christ!" Once again, she goes back to sleep. This time the teacher asks, "Mary, what was the first thing Eve said to Adam?" William pokes her again. Mary wakes up and shouts, "If you don't stop poking me with that thing, I'm gonna break it off!"

Teacher: Can you tell me where Napoleon came from? Pupil: Course I can. Teacher: Very good.

Why do mexicans walk around the school like they own the place? Cause there dad built it and there mom cleans it at night.

A boy washed with his mum in the bathroom and saw her vagina and asks: "what the hell is this". "It is called a cave" replied the mother. The next day he washed with his father and saw his dick and asks "what the heck is this". "This is called little Johnny". The next day he went to school and his teacher was mad that he came late to school so she told him to sing a song. He started to sing "when the black clouds came out of the mountain little Johnny ran into the cave."