A farmer was bragging. "I've got 350 sheep." "That's a lot of sheep," said another farmer. "And I've got 500 chickens," bragged the farmer. "That's a lot of chickens," answered the second farmer. "And 40 bulls," added the farmer. The other farmer replied, "Boy! That IS a lot of bull."
Three animals were having a drink in a cafe, when the owner asked for the money. I'm not paying," said the duck. "I've only got one bill and I'm not breaking it." "I've spent my last buck," said the deer. "Then the duck'll have to pay," said the skunk. "Getting here cost me my last scent."
Q: What was the last thing her husband said to her? A: I'll feed the dog, you feed the fish.
How to you know that cows will be in heaven? It's a place of udder delight.
Teacher: Students, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing? Class: "Brotherly love."
Chuck Norris doesn't just bring home the bacon, he brings home the whole pig.
What do you call a group of cattle sent into orbit? The first herd shot round the world.
How do you stop a skunk from smelling? You hold his nose!
There was this atheist and he was in the woods. And suddenly he heard some leaves cracking. He looked behind and there was a huge bear behind him. He started running and running and soon the bear was right on top of him and his paw was on top of him like he was going to swat him but suddenly he saw this big light appear and said; “For all these years you have despised me and now you call for my help.” The atheist said, “I’m sorry God. If you can’t help me, can’t you at least turn the bear into a Christian? Then the light disappeared. Then the bear knelt down and said, “Bless me Lord for this meal I’m about to receive!”
Chuck Norris doesn't scroll with a mouse. He uses a lion.
If it looks like chicken tastes like chicken and smells like chicken and Chuck Norris says it's beef then it's beef.