A farmer was bragging. "I've got 350 sheep." "That's a lot of sheep," said another farmer. "And I've got 500 chickens," bragged the farmer. "That's a lot of chickens," answered the second farmer. "And 40 bulls," added the farmer. The other farmer replied, "Boy! That IS a lot of bull."
Why was the racehorse named Bad News? Because bad news travels fast!
If you crossed a cow with Michael Jackson, what song would you get? "Beeflt!"
How do jockeys determine which racehorses are the favourites? They take a gallop poll!
Q: Which side of a deer has the most meat? A: The inside.
A mother was teaching his child about the side-effects of alcohol. She gets two short glasses, filling one with water and the other with whiskey. She says "I want you to see this." She puts a worm in the water, and it swims around. She puts a worm in the whiskey, and the worm dies immediately. She then says, feeling that she has made her point clear, "what do you have to say about this experiment?" The child responds by saying: "If I drink whiskey, I won't get worms!"
A guy meets a hooker in a bar. She says, "This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for $300, as long as you can say it in three words." The guy replies, "Hey, why not?" He pull his wallet out of his pocket, and one at a time lays three hundred-dollar bills on the bar, and says, slowly: "Paint…my…house."
Which ghost sailed the seven seas looking for rubbish and blubber? The ghost of BinBag the Whaler.
How do you weigh a whale? On Whale Weigh Scales.
What do you get if you cross a kangaroo and sheep? A wooly jumper.