Q: Why does a dog stay in a shadow. A: Because it doesn't want to be a Hotdog.
Did you hear about the man who ate nothing but oats every day? He fell in love with the Grand National winner!
Did you hear about the aristocratic horse? He was the last of his race!
Two deer walk out of a gay bar, one turns to the other and says, "I can't believe I blew twenty bucks in there..."
A man goes to a party and has too much to drink. His friends plead with him to let them take him home. He says no -- he only lives a mile away. About five blocks from party, the police pull him over for weaving and ask him to get out of the car and walk the line. Just as he starts, the police radio blares out a notice of a robbery taking place in their area. The police tell the drunk party animal to stay put, they will be right back and they hop a fence and run down the street to the robbery. The guy waits and waits and finally decides to drive home. When he gets there, he tells his wife he is going to bed, and to tell anyone who might come looking for him that he has the flu and has been in bed all day. A few hours later the police knock on the door. They ask if Mr. SMITH is there and his wife says yes. They ask to see him and she replies that he is in bed with the flu and has been so all day. The police have his driver's license. They ask to see his car and she asks why. They insist on seeing his car, so she takes them to the garage and opens the door where they find their police car, with the lights still flashing.
What's a skunk's philosophy of life? Eat, stink and be merry.
Customer: "Waiter, there’s a fly in my soup." Waiter: "That’s all right sir, he won’t drink much."
Chuck Norris can light ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At Night.
Three blondes were walking through the forest when they came upon a set of tracks. The first blonde said, “Those are deer tracks.” The second blonde said, “No those are elk tracks.” The third blonde said, “You’re both wrong, those are moose tracks.” The blondes were still arguing when the train hit them. Emma: So, what kind of tracks were they?
Q: What kind of bees make milk instead of honey? A: Boo-bees.
How are tigers like sergeants in the army? They both wear stripes.