If toast always lands butter-side down and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast to the back of a cat and drop it?
What do frogs do with paper? Rip-it!
Chuck Norris isn't a cat person but if he was, he would own 3 lions, a snow leopard, and cougar.
When a bull wants to listen to a cassette, what does he put on his head? Steer phones.
A mailman meets a boy and a huge dog. ‘Does your dog bite?’ asks the mailman. ‘No,’ replies the boy. And the dog bites the mailman’s leg. ‘You said he doesn’t bite!’ yells the mailman. ‘That’s not my dog,’ replies the boy.
Little Johnny's teacher said, "Johnny, your essay on My Dog is exactly the same as your sister's." Did you copy hers?, she asked. Johnny replied, "No, teacher, it's the same dog!"
A man is walking through a park when he steps in a pile of dog mess. He pauses to wipe his shoe on the grass and sees another man step into the same pile. ‘I just did that,’ says the man, so the other man rubs his nose in it.
One day a man heard knocking at his door. He opened the door only to see a small snail sitting there smiling. The guy picked the snail up and threw it as far as he possibly could. Three years later he heard knocking at the door again. He opened the door to see the snail. The snail said, "What the hell was that all about?"
Why couldn't the skunk use her phone? It was out of odor!
Q: What did the seal say when found nuts in the sea? A: "Look I found deep nuts."
A hippo once told me he hated gangs, but then he joined one What a HippoCrip.