If toast always lands butter-side down and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast to the back of a cat and drop it?
How can you tell a rabbit from a skunk? A skunk uses a cheaper deodorant.
Chuck Norris can light ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At Night.
Why was the racehorse named Bad News? Because bad news travels fast!
What's green with red spots? A frog with the chicken pox!
Why did the dinosaur cross the road? It was the chicken's day off.
Q: If a horses foot covers 2 acres of land, what will his tail cover? A: His ass!
What flies around your light at night and can bite off your head? A tiger moth.
What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts? Deer Nuts are always under a buck.
A man had a party where all the rich people attend. And the he had a pool with alligators. So he announced that anyone who will swim across this pool and come out alive will be granted three wishes. But no one wanted to go for the challenge. All of a sudden, there was a big splash and a man was swimming like a hell and came out alive. So the host asked, "What are your three wishes?" The man replied, "Give me the shotgun and bulllets and show me the idiot that pushed me in..."