If toast always lands butter-side down and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast to the back of a cat and drop it?
Two cows are standing in a field. One says to the other "Are you worried about Mad Cow Disease?" The other one says "No, It doesn't worry me, I'm a horse!"
Why couldnt the teddy bear eat any more thanksgiving dinner? He was already stuffed!
How do snails get their shells all shiny? They use snail polish.
Save the tree, eat a beaver.
How do you f*ck a fat chick? Roll her in flour and find the wet spot.
Q: What is the difference between a mouse and a dick? A: No difference. Both are searching a hole.
Chuck Norris was once bitten by a venomous cobra .... After 5 days of excrutiating pain the cobra Eventually died
Q: What does a cooked chicken and a stoner who is afraid of everything have in common? A: They are both baked chickens.
Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were having a conversation one fine Sunday evening. One remarked to the other, ‘I got a new hearing device and it works fine?' The second said, ‘oh yes, my grandchildren just love the gifts of my choice.' The third one who noticed the hearing device in the ear of the first one asked, what kind is it?' The one with the brand new hearing device answered ‘about 6 O'clock'. All three of them looked up in the birds in the sky and said, "Birds of the same feather ‘flock' together."
When do rabbits have buck teeth? When their parents won't get them braces.