Joke #53

If toast always lands butter-side down and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast to the back of a cat and drop it?
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Teacher: Give me an example of animal. Jimmy: Frog Teacher: Give me another. Jimmy: Another Frog.
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Does a dolphin ever do something by accident? No, they do everything on porpoise.
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A man who is concerned about his wife cheating on him wants to catch her in the act. He doesn’t have enough money to hire a PI, so he goes to a pet shop. There he asks the clerk if he has a parrot for sale. The clerk shows him the last parrot he has: “This is the last parrot I have for sale. He doesn’t have any legs, but he is very smart.” The man asks, “If he doesn’t have any legs, how does he stay on the perch?” “He holds on with his dick.” the clerk answered. The man asks ” How much?” “Since he doesn’t have any legs, I’ll sell him to you for fifty bucks.” The suspicious man purchases the talking bird and takes him home. He sets up the cage in his bedroom where he can see everything; he then instructs the parrot to watch what ever goes on in the room and inform him when he gets home from work. So the next morning he leaves for work and his wife stays home, as usual. When the man gets home from work, as his wife is cooking supper, he asks the parrot to tell him what went on during the day. The parrot begins, “At eight o’clock this morning the mailman came….” Interrupting the man asks, “Yeah and what happened?” “he came in the house…” Furiously, the man asked “And then” “…and then he came into the bedroom…” Astounded the man impatiently asks, “What happened next?” “He began to take off his clothes and she hers…” “What happened after that!” The parrot then replied, “I don’t know I sprung a boner and fell off!”
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Did you hear about the race horse that was so late coming in? They had to pay the jockey overtime!
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Johnny, George, and Bert were driving along in their pickup when they saw a sheep caught in the fence with its hind end up in the air. Bert said, "I wish that was Sharon Stone." George echoed, "I wish it was Demi Moore." Little Johnny sighed, "I wish it was dark..."
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Why do cows like being told joke? Because they like being amoosed.
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The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
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Where do sharks come from? Sharkago.
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Q: Who was the most famous pirate octopus? A: Captain Squid.
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What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a boy scout? A boyscout who helps little old ladies hop across the street.
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