Father: "You've got 4 D's and a C on your report."
Son: "Maybe I concentrated too much on the one subject..."
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When I graduated from highschool, I was so poor and couldn't afford college.
So my parents sent me to dog training school.
I learned a lot when I was there.
Sit, stay, roll over.
I haven't quite got the fetching part down.
They say I'm a little rough around the edges.
Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I".
Student: I is the....
Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after an "I". Always put 'am' after an "I".
Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.
Fred came home from his first day at school.
"Nothing exciting happened", he told his mother, "Except the teacher didn't know how to spell cat so I told her."
An English professor complained to the pet shop proprietor, “The parrot I purchased uses improper language.”
“I’m surprised,” said the owner.
“I’ve never taught that bird to swear.”
“Oh, it isn’t that,” explained the professor.
“But yesterday I heard him split an infinitive.”
I'll be honest.
I did not graduate at the top of my class.
In fact, I was so close to the bottom, my sheepskin had a tail.
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Little Johnny comes home from his first day of school.
His mother asks, "What did you learn in school today?"
Little Johnny replies, "Not much. They want me back tomorrow.
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I was gutted this afternoon when my wife told me my 6 year old son wasn't actually mine.
She then said I need to pay more attention at school pick up.
Teacher: whoever answers my next question, can go home.
One boy throws his bag out the window.
Teacher: who just threw that?!
Boy: Me! I’m going home now.
Little Johnny had just returned from his summer break and gone back to school.
Three days later his teacher phoned his mother to tell her that he was misbehaving.
"Hold on," she said.
"I had Johnny with me for the entire summer and I never called you once when he misbehaved."
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