Diner: Watch out! Your thumbs in my soup! Waiter: Don't worry, Sir, it's not that hot!
"Where are you going to take Vampira on your date?" asked one vampire. "Oh, I thought we'd go to the movies, and then get a quick bite."
Why doesnt a man eat out an 80 year old woman? Ever opened up a grilled cheese?
Q: What do the Starship Enterprise & toilet paper have in common? A: They both circle Uranus searching for Klingons.
Q: What has two legs and bleeds? A: Half a cat.
A guy gets out of the V.D. Hospital and decides to a hire a hooker, since he's been without for so long. Before long, he brings one home, and they have sex four times. After it's over, he turns to her and tells her he hasn't had sex in four months because of being in the V.D. Hospital. "How's the food there?" asks the hooker. "Because I'm going in there tomorrow!"
Did you here about the man that died from eating Rocky Mountain Oysters? The bull must have drug him a mile!
Little Johnny comes home one day and says, "Mom! Little Mark next door has a penis like a peanut!" "What do you mean, Johnny? Is it shaped like a peanut?" "No," says Johnny. "It's salty."
What's black, smells and has 17 tits? The bin bags outside the breast cancer ward.
Q: What's the difference between a freezer and a fag? A: A freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
Take a squirt gun into the rest room stall next to someone and shoot little drops over the wall every couple of seconds while pretending to pee.