Diner: Watch out! Your thumbs in my soup!
Waiter: Don't worry, Sir, it's not that hot!
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There were three nurses in a morgue...
They entered a room where they had discovered that there was a dead man laying on the bed with a hard-on.
The first nurse was very forward and said, "Wow! I have never seen that before, I can't let that go to waste".
After saying this the first nurse sat and rode it.
The 2nd nurse did the same.
The third nurse explained that she couldn't as she was on her period.
After a bit of convincing she eventually rode it.
After 3 minutes the man woke up.
The Nurses said, "What the hell... You were dead a few minutes ago"
The man replied, "yeah I was... But I feel great now I have had two jump starts and a blood transfusion".
Two brothers, Bob and Tom, both work for a lumberyard.
One day, Bob tells Tom that he can tell what any piece of wood is just by smelling it.
Unbelieving, Tom blindfolds Bob and proceeds to test the theory.
The first piece of wood Bob smells, he instantly identifies as maple.
The second piece Bob instantly identifies as walnut.
Tom cannot believe Bob can really do this, so he takes an old piece of wood and whispers to the secretary to rub the wood between her legs. She happily runs it up in her crotch.
Tom hands the piece of wood to Bob.
Bob smells it three times.
"I am stumped. But I would have to guess that this wood is either a pussywillow or a shingle from a shithouse."
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Q: What do you call the sweat on your balls after having sex with your cousin?
A: Relative humidity.
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A cowboy rides in the desert and comes upon a Native American lying naked with a hard-on. He asks, "What are you doing?"
The naked man replies, "I'm finding out the time -- it is 12:15."
The cowboy looks at his watch and thinks, "Wow, it really is 12:15."
The cowboy continues and sees another Native American lying naked with a hard-on. He asks, "What are you doing?"
The naked man replies, "I'm seeing what time it is -- it is 3:15."
The cowboy looks at his watch and that is the correct time.
The cowboy continues and finds a third Native American lying naked on the ground, masturbating.
The cowboy asks what he's doing and he replies, "I'm winding my watch."
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Q: What's the difference between apple pie and pussy?
A: You can eat Granmas apple pie.
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Take a squirt gun into the rest room stall next to someone and shoot little drops over the wall every couple of seconds while pretending to pee.
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Two sperms.
The first one asked the second "How much time we need to reach the womb?"
The second one answered "To much time left... We are in the stomach now."
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Boy Monster: Did you get the big red heart I sent you for Valentine's?
Girl Monster: Yes, I did. Thank you.
Boy Monster: Is it still beating?
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Q: What did one gay sperm say to the other gay sperm?
A: "How are we supposed to find an egg in all this sh*t?"
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Q: How can you tell if you have an overbite?
A: When you're eating p**sy and it tastes like sh*t.
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