Did you hear about the 120-pound guy with the 30-pound testicles?
People say he was half-nuts! 
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Q: What is worse than waking up the morning after an orgy with pubic hair in your teeth?
A: Waking up with a lump in your throat and a string hanging out of your mouth.
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What is more disgusting than a pile of 100 dead babies?
One live one in the middle is eating its way out.
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What did the dad say when his son said, "Dad I'm tired of walking in circles?"
"Shut up kid or I'll nail your other foot to the ground."
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There were these two bums and they were hungry when they came across road kill.
The first bum went down to eat it when he looked up at his friend and said, "Oh I'm sorry, would you like some?"
He replied, "No I think I'll wait."
So they continue down the road and the first bum said, "Look - some more road kill, I'm still hungry. How about you?"
His friend replied, "No, not yet, I think I'll wait."
The first bum ate the road kill.
Shortly after, his eyes rolled back and he puked the whole thing back up on the street.
Seconds later, his friend dove in and ate every last slickery drop of the puke.
The first bum said, "I thought you weren't hungry?"
His friend replied, "I was always hungry, I just wanted a warm meal."
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Why did God give women legs?
So they don't leave a trail like a slug.
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Prostitute 1: Tonight's my night I can smell c**k in the air.
Prostitute 2: Oh, sorry. I burped.
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Why did the semen cross the road?
Because I wore the wrong sock today.
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Two monsters went to a Halloween party.
Suddenly one said to the other, "A lady just rolled her eyes at me. What should I do?"
The other monster replied, "Be a gentleman and roll them back to her."
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A married couple go to a restaurant.
A blonde waitress takes their order and returns several minutes later, carrying a plate with only a plain hamburger bun on it.
The man asks, "Where's the burger?"
The waitress lifts her arm and pulls out a burger from her armpit.
"I was keeping it warm," she replies.
The wife says, "Please cancel my hot dog order."
What does the cannibal do just after he dumped his girlfriend?
Wiped his ass.
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