Joke #5166

What's the difference between a baby and a grandmother? Grandmothers don't die when you fuck them up the ass.

There was an old married couple who love each other very much. But each morning as he was waking up the husband let out a huge nasty wet fart with his wife right in the bed next to him. The wife always says "One day you're going to fart your guts out if you don't stop." Then one day the wife snapped she won't take it anymore and she got up extra early when downstairs and got the guts out of a turkey and put it in the bed behind. She went back downstairs to wait and then she heard the loud disgusting fart all the way down the stairs and then she hears nothing for a long while. Just as she's about to go upstairs and check on her husband he comes stomping down the steps and he says "Honey you were right after I get my guts out but with the grace of God and these two fingers I managed to shove them back up there again."

Why doesnt a man eat out an 80 year old woman? Ever opened up a grilled cheese?

An old couple is on a walk, when a pigeon flies by and relieves himself on the woman's head. "Yech!" says the woman. "Get some toilet paper." "What for? He must be half-a-mile away by now."

Diner: Watch out! Your thumbs in my soup! Waiter: Don't worry, Sir, it's not that hot!

Q: What is 40 feet long and smells like urine? A: Line dancing at a nursing home.

Q: Why do farts smell? A: So deaf people can enjoy them, too.

What's black, smells and has 17 tits? The bin bags outside the breast cancer ward.

Jim and Lena were driving around the countryside when they ran over a skunk. "We better take the skunk to the vet, Lena. Just put the skunk between your legs to keep it warm." "But, Jim, what about the smell?" "Don't worry, Lena. The skunk will get used to it."

What does a blind, deaf, quadriplegic baby can get for Christmas ? Cancer.

Q: Which of the following doesn't belong: wife, meat, eggs, blowjob? A: The blowjob. You can beat your wife, your eggs, or your meat; but you just can't beat a blowjob.