Joke #5166

What's the difference between a baby and a grandmother? Grandmothers don't die when you fuck them up the ass.

Q: Why did the gay guy think his lover was cheating on him? A: He came home shit faced.

Little cowboy runs into a Bar shouting angerly "WHO's the lousy varmint that painted my horse green?" A big cowboy sidles up to him and says "I DID.. want to complain to me?" "No," says the little guy "just wanted you to know that the first coat is dry!"

A woman walks into her doctor's office and says, "Doctor, I need to lose weight fast." And the doctor says, "Instead of putting food in your mouth, try putting it up your butt." Two months later she comes in and says, "Doctor, it's a dream come true. I'm half the size I was." But the doctor notices that she is bouncing up and down up and down... and he asks, "But where did you get this twitch?" The woman replies, "I don't have a nervous twitch, I'm chewing bubble gum."

Did you hear about the man who took Viagra and a laxative at the same time? He didn't know if he was coming or going.

Yo mama's lips are so big when you smile you wet your hair.

An old woman goes to the doctor's office. The doctor gives her a checkup and says, "I need to do stool, blood and urine tests." The woman says, "Well can I just leave my underwear? Bingo starts in half an hour."

Q: How do you know that a dead body found by the side of the road is a nurse? A: Because its stomach is empty, its bladder is full, and its ass chewed!

How is a soyburger like a dildo? They're both substitutes for meat.

Why did President Clinton name his dog Buddy instead of Spot? Because he didn't want people running around the White House saying, "come Spot, come Spot!"

An eagle swoops down from the sky and eats a mouse. Three hours later, while the eagle is flying, the mouse sticks its head out of the eagle's butt and asks, "How high up are we?" "About 2,000 feet," the eagle replies. The mouse replies, "You ain't sh*ttin' me, are you?"