Joke #5707

A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, wherever I touch, it hurts." The doctor asks, "What do you mean?" The man says, "When I touch my shoulder, it really hurts. If I touch my knee - OUCH! When I touch my forehead, it really, really hurts." The doctor says, "I know what's wrong with you. You've broken your finger!"
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has 45.52 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: men

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A man walks into a bar and notices his friend sitting alone staring at a tiny man on the table playing the piano. "Wow, look how small he is, where did you get him?!" Says the man. "Oh, well there's this genie round the back of bar, and he grants you whatever wish you want." Sure enough, the man goes round the back of the bar and there sits a genie. "You grant wishes right?" "Yes." replies the genie. "Hmm, I'd like a million bucks." Then, out of nowhere, a million ducks appear, and waddle behind the annoyed man as he goes back into the bar. "Look, that genie gave me ducks instead of bucks!" His friends sitting at the table replies, "Well yeah, do you really think I asked for a twelve inch pianist?"
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has 78.60 % from 292 votes. More jokes about: bar, duck, genie, men, music
Why were men given larger brains than dogs? A.So they wouldn't hump women's legs at cocktail parties. B.So they wouldn't stop to play with every other man they see when you take them around the block.
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has 36.51 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: dog, men
A burglar breaks into a house and is quietly and expertly collecting valuables in his bag when he hears a voice: "Jesus is watching you."
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has 34.09 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: men
What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man? His wife is good at picking out clothes.
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has 48.26 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: men
Three guys are at a restaurant, all with their girlfriends. The first guy, thinking he is all suave, says to his girlfriend, "Could you pass me the honey?...Honey." Now, the second guy, copying the first, says to his girlfriend, "Could you pass me the sugar?...Sugar." So now, the third guy is under pressure. He has to come up with something good. After, a minute of thinking he says to his girlfriend, "Pass me the pork...pig."
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has 70.45 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: men
Something Special For His Birthday It was Jim's birthday, and he was considered to be an "old man" by his friends standards. So, to liven him up a bit, Jim's friends decided to give him something special for his birthday. They bought him a hooker. The call girl, as she preferred to be called, went to his house and knocked on the door. When Jim answered, she said "Hi I'm your birthday present!" Startled, he asked "What am I supposed to do with you?" "I'm yours for super sex," she answers. So Jim replied "Well, I'm 75 years old so I'll have the soup."
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has 52.93 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: men
Women dream of world peace, a safe environment, and eliminating hunger. What do men dream of? Being stuck in an elevator with the Doublemint twins.
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has 45.58 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: men, women
Knock knockrn Who's there? Woman who? Wo-man you where so nice to let me tell you this joke Knock knock. Who's there? Man. Man who? Man you where so nice to let me tell you this joke.
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has 24.18 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: knock-knock, men, women
Do you know why men have holes in the end of their penises? So oxygen can get into their brains.
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has 60.16 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: men
A man has 6 items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
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has 30.43 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: men, women