A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, wherever I touch, it hurts." The doctor asks, "What do you mean?" The man says, "When I touch my shoulder, it really hurts. If I touch my knee - OUCH! When I touch my forehead, it really, really hurts." The doctor says, "I know what's wrong with you. You've broken your finger!"
I only wanted to have a child, not marry one.
I can honestly say in all our years of friendship, I have never heard anyone question John’s intelligence, to be perfectly honest I never heard anyone even mention any intelligence on John’s part.
There were 11 people – ten men and one woman – hanging onto a rope that came down from a helicopter. They all decided that one person should get off, because if they didn’t, the rope would break and everyone would die. No one could decide who should go, so finally, the woman gave a really touching speech saying how she would give up her life to save the others, because women were used to giving up things for their husbands and children, giving in to men, and not receiving anything in return. When she finished speaking, all the men started clapping.
One spelling mistake can destroy your life! A husband wrote a message to his wife on his official trip and forgot to add 'e' at the end of a word: "I am having such a wonderful time! Wish you were her..!"
What is that insensitive bit at the base of the penis called? The man.
What is the difference between a man and E.T.? E.T. phoned home.
Why is it good that there are female astronauts? When the crew gets lost in space, the woman will ask for directions.
Men call us birds, is that because of all the worms we pick up?
It’s not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn’t have the balls to do it.
What should you give a man who has everything? A. A woman to show him how to work it. B. Penicillin.