Joke #5759

A couple driving home hit and wounded a skunk on the road. The wife gets out and brings it back to the car. "We need to take it to a vet. Its shivering, it must be cold, what should I do?" she asks. Husband replies "Put it between your legs to keep it warm." "But it stinks!" she exclaims. "So hold its nose!"

Hey guys. Bet your female friend that she can't use both of her elbows to touch her belly button. Thank me later.

Teacher: How we use the light? Pupil: To suck it? Teacher: Why do you say so? Pupil: Because every night, my mother says to my father, "Switch off the light, I wanna suck it!"

Q: What did the seal say when found nuts in the sea? A: "Look I found deep nuts."

Q: Why can women play hockey? A: Because they have to change their pads after every period.

Patient: "Doc, recently I've been very careless." Doc: "How? Give me an example." Patient: "Now I'm speaking with you, it seems that I'm talking to my dick."

Q: What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman? A: Snowballs.

Do you work at a cattery? Because I wanna be covered in pussy.

A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?" The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to f*ck your brains out, and suck your tits dry." Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?" He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."

Me: Can I call an officer a pussy? Cop: No. Me: Can I call a pussy 'officer?' Cop: I guess you could... Me: Goodnight, officer

A waitress walks up to one of her tables in a New York City restaurant and notices that the three Bulgarian businessmen seated there are furiously masturbating. She says, "What the hell do you guys think you are doing?" One of the Bulgarian men says, "Can't you see? Ve arrrre all verrry, verrry hoongry." The waitress makes a stroking motion and says, "So how is whacking-off in the middle of the restaurant going to help that situation??" One of the other businessmen replies: "The menu say, FIRST COME, FIRST SERVED!"