What is 6 inches long, hard, goes into your mouth back and fourth, and has white stuff at the end. A toothbrush with toothpaste
Alfie was listening to his sister practice her singing. "Sis," he said, "I wish you'd sing Christmas carols." "Thats nice of you, Alfie," she replied, "but why?" Alfie replied, "Because then I'd only have to hear your voice once a year!"
I saw a sign in a public toilet the other day. It said "Please leave this toilet in the condition that you would have liked to have found it in." So I left it with a porn mag and a line of coke ...
*How girls become friends* Omg I love your shoes! *How guys become friends* Excuse me sir, I see you fuck bitches, I myself, also fuck bitches.
How does a gay man fake an orgasm? He spits on his partners back.
What is the difference between a joystick and a man's d**k? A joystick does its job.
Dad: "Who do you think the committee screwed this year?" Me: "Mom."
As I stand here, and try to piss, I think of the gal that gave me this. If I see her, when I get well, I'll get it again. As sure as Hell.
Bloke in hospital with 60% burns, Dr. says, "Give him two Viagra." Nurse asks, "Do you think that will help?" Dr replies, "No but it will keep the sheets off his legs!"
Q: What does a lesbian have in common with a mechanic? A: Snap-on tools!
Chuck Norris once wrestled a thirty foot snake, and then he realized he was just masturbating.