Joke #12527

Always be yourself. Unless you can be quiet, then be that.
Vote:
has 74.21 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: life

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

If you see me smiling, I'm probably thinking of doing something evil. If I'm laughing, I've already done it.
Vote:
has 80.00 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: life, mean
A social worker is facing a mugger with a gun. "Your money or your life!" says the mugger. "I'm sorry," the social worker answers, "I am a social worker, so I have no money and no life."
Vote:
has 57.92 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: life, money, work
Son - "Dad whats the difference between confident and confidential?" Dad - "Hmm. You are my son. Of that I am confident. Your friend Timmy is also my son. That's confidential."
Vote:
has 82.91 % from 237 votes. More jokes about: dad, family, life
They've broken in my house so many times, they leave notes complaining about things: "The salt was low." "Pick up bread. We be back." Grease all over my stove they cooked and left the best chicken and dressing you ever want to lay your lips on.
Vote:
has 52.18 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: food, life
Boy asks his Gran nervously, "have you seen my pills ... they were labeled LSD ?" Gran replies "fuck your pills ! Have you seen the dragon in the kitchen ?!"
Vote:
has 60.01 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: drug, life
The November 5th Gunpowder Plot has been described as the 9/11 of its day. Staged by the government to discredit an entire religion.
Vote:
has 44.95 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: life, political, religious, time
Once, on the set of Walker Texas Ranger, a goat fell over dead. Chuck Norris ran up to the goat and beard rubbed it back to life.
Vote:
has 41.84 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, death, life
A distinguished young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?" “¨"Of course child. What may I do for you?" "Well, I bought an expensive woman’s electronic hair dryer for my Mother’s birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and I’m afraid they’ll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?" "I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie." "With your honest face, Father, no one will question you." When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her. The official asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?" "From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare." The official thought this answer strange, so asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?" "I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused." Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go ahead, Father. Next!"
Vote:
has 79.71 % from 84 votes. More jokes about: airplane, dad, life, priest, travel
Two boys were talking and the one said to the other, "There is a easy way to get what you want." The other boy said, "How?" the boy replied, "Tell people you know their secret." The boy jumps up and runs to his dad, "I know your secret!" The dad replies, "Please don't tell your mom heres $10." The boy then runs to his mom, "I know your secret!" The mom said, "Please don't tell your dad here's $15." The boy then decides to try it on the mail man, "I know your secret!" The mail man opened his arms and said, "Come, give your dad a hug!"
Vote:
has 84.57 % from 241 votes. More jokes about: dad, life, money
Chuck Norris has found what U2 are looking for.
Vote:
has 42.06 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, life, music