Always be yourself. Unless you can be quiet, then be that.
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What is height of Activelaziness?
Asking for a lift to house while on a morning walk.
Chuck Norris was born in a house he build himself.
Vote:
If someone ever intimidates you, remember that they're 70% water.
Are you scared of water?
Well you should be.
400,000 people drown per year.
An alien lord lands in the middle of the desert and demands to see the ruler of all this planet and make it bow to his will, except he made two grave mistakes, first he landed in the middle of the desert, in the middle of the night and second he didn't know anything about the inhabitants.
So he approaches the first life form he finds which was a gas pump and demands it to take him to the leader.
Well it's a gas pump so it doesn't say anything obviously, getting aggravated he demands again but this time pulls his laser pistol and says
"This is the last time I ask earthling!"
Just then his general whispers to him "Hey calm down buddy don't mess with this guy, he's a badass motherfucker".
Shrugging off his comrade he furiously demands a response and after brief moments of silence, he blasts the pump and BOOM!
A huge explosion occurs and they land a mile away.
As they sit there dusting themselves off the alien lord looks at the general and asks "We have conquered the cosmos and all sorts of life forms, I've never seen you sweat in the face of an adversary, how did you know this guy was such a badass motherfucker?"
The general looks over and says "Man if you could wrap your dick around your body 3 times and then plug it in your ear, you are a badass motherfucker."
On a beach a man shouts at another man:
Tell your son not to imitate me.
A man to his son:
Son, stop playing the fool.
A woman gets on a bus with her baby.
The bus driver says, "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!"
The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming.
She says to a man next to her, "The driver just insulted me!"
The man says, "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."
If kim kardashian was a donut wat kind would she be?
Chocolate filled.
A teenage boy overdosed on ten bottles of Viagra.
Not only is he lucky to be alive, he’s lucky not to have taken his eye out.
Can I help you?
No.
I just waited in the line for 30 minutes to say Hi.