Joke #12527

Always be yourself. Unless you can be quiet, then be that.

How come the village Guy Fawkes won the Nobel Peace Prize? Cause he was outstanding in his field.

Gordan Ramsey:Theres more smoke in this kitchen than snopp dogg tour bus.

Three boys walk through the woods and suddenly hear cries for help. They follow the sound to the lake and see George W. Bush drowning. The boys jump into the water and drag him to shore. Bush asks the boys how he can repay them. The first boy says, "I want a boat." The second boy says, "I want a truck." The third boy says, "I want a nice tombstone." Bush asks, "Why is that?" The boy says, "Because when my dad finds out I helped save you, he's going to kill me."

We'll want to preserve Chuck Norris for future generations, when he dies. We won't be needing cryogenics cos Chuck's already frozen.

Madonna is 54 and her boyfriend's 25, Jennifer Lopez is 43 and her boyfriend's 26, so if you're single its ok, maybe he's just not born yet.

Englishman, Scottish man and Irishman selling bibles door to door, they have a bet who will sell the most in a day. They meet up at end of day and Englishman has sold 2, Scottish man had sold 3, but the Irishman who had a terrible stutter says hhhee hhhee hhhad sssold ssssixty. The other two asked how did he do it. He said, "Wwwhen Iiiii nnnnnnknock aaaat thththe ddddooor I said: Do you wwwwwant tto bbbuy a bbbbbible ooooorrr shshshould Iiii jjjust rrrread it tttto yyyyou?"

I'm tired 8 days a week.

A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says ''Sorry we don't serve food in here''

A man walks into the doctors and the doctor says, "I've not seen you for a while." The man replies, "Yes, I've been ill."

Nothing beats a woman with a beautiful singing voice. Except for Chris Brown.