Joke #5806

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a taxi cab? A: You have to pay to ride in a taxi cab.
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A man says to his wife, ‘You know what, two inches more and I’d be king.’ She replies, ‘Two inches less and you’d be queen.’
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How do you know when your cat’s finished cleaning himself? He’s smoking a cigarette.
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My girlfriend always laughs during sex – no matter what she’s reading.
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This desperate guy named Jim goes to the whorehouse with 5$. He buys a the cheapest prostitute named Sandpaper Sally. As they start to have sex, Jim screams, "Ouch! Now I know why they call you Sandpaper Sally!" Sally scoots out of the room. Five minutes later she came back and Jim attempts sex once again. "What the hell happened?" asks Jim, "This is the best sex I''ve ever had!" Sally replies, "Oh, I just picked my scabs."
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A woman walks into her sex thearapist’s office and tells her that her husband is not a very good lover, and the rarely have sex anymore, and asks what to do about it? The therapist tells her that she has a new drug called Viagra that might do the trick. She tells the woman to give him one pill that night, and come back in the morning to tell her what happens. The next day the woman walks in ecstatic telling the therapist the viagra worked, and she and her husband had the best sex ever. She asks her therapist what would happen if she gave her husband two pills? The therapist replies she dosn’t know but says to go ahead and try it. The next day, the same thing happens, the woman comes in telling the therapist tha the sex was even better than the night before. She asks the therapist what whould happen if she gave him five pills? The therapist once again tells her to give it a try. The following day the woman comes back in LIMP BUT HAPPY, tells the therapist the sex just keeps getting better and better. She asks what would happen if she gave him the rest of the bottle? The therapists tells her its a new drug and she doesn’t know what a full bottle would do to a person. The woman leaves the office and puts the rest of the pills in her husbands morning coffee. A week later a boy walks into the therapists office and asks: "Are you the “idiot” who gave my MOTHER a bottle of Viagra?" "Why yes young man I did?" "Why?" "Well mom’s dead, my sister’s Pregnant, my A– Hurts, and Dad just sits in the corner going, 'here Kitty, Kitty, Kitty…'”
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Do you like maths? If so add a bed subtract your clothes divide your legs and we can multiply!
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A honeymoon couple go into a hotel and ask for a suite. ‘Bridal?’ asks the desk clerk. ‘No thanks,’ replies the bride, ‘I’ll just hang onto his shoulders.’
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Q. How can you tell a head nurse? A. She's the one with the dirty knees!
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How do you know if your wife wears tights in bed? Her toes curl up when you screw her.
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Sometimes I wonder if I'm pregnant and then I realize I would have to be like 19 months pregnant.
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More jokes about: kids, sex, single, time