Joke #5895

What's the warmest organ in a dead woman's body? My dick.

A man farts in bed next to his wife. His wife asks, "What in the world was that?" He replies, "Touchdown. I'm winning, seven nothing." She decides to get even, so she lets one loose. He yells at her, "What was that?" She replies, "Touchdown, tie score." He wants to get her back, but he tries so hard he sh*ts in bed. The wife asks, "Now what in the world was that?" He replies, "Halftime, switch sides."

Why should you only put 239 beans in bean soup? Cuz one more will make it "too farty!"

Q: Did you hear about the depressed proctologist? A: He's been feeling down in the dumps.

Yo mama is so stinky that she scared the fly's off the shit wagonrn.

What's grosser than gross? A bloody mary with curly, brittle hairs in it!

Two skunks observed a deer hunter sneaking through the woods with a rifle. "I hope he's not going to shoot at us," said one skunk. The second skunk bowed his head and said, "Let us spray."

Q. What do you call two lesbians with their period? A. Finger painting.

A little guy gets on a plane and sits next to the window. A few minutes later, a big, heavy, strong, mean-looking, hulking guy plops down in the seat next to him and immediately falls asleep.  The little guy starts to feel a little airsick, but he's afraid to wake the big guy up to ask if he can go to the toilet. He knows he can't climb over him, and so the little guy is sitting there, looking at the big guy, trying to decide what to do. Suddenly, the plane hits an air pocket and an uncontrollable wave of nausea passes through the little guy. He can't hold it in any longer and he pukes all over the big guy's chest. About five minutes later the big guy wakes up, looks down, and sees the vomit all over him. "So," says the little guy, "are you feeling better now?"

Q: What do you get if you cross a bear with a toilet? A: Winnie the Pooh.

Why fart and waste when you can burp and taste?