Joke #2391

Q: What's the ultimate rejection? A: When you're masturbating and your hand falls asleep.
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has 74.09 % from 374 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, masturbation

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A mother is making a cake for her three sons when she accidentaly dropps some BB from the shelf into the batter. She decides that it won't matter and continues to make the cake. Later that day, her sons eat the cake and don't even notice the BBs. The next day, when the mother is reading a magazine on the couch, one of her sons runs in saying, "Mom, mom, I pissed out a beebee!" She says "That's okay, son. I accidentaly dropped some beebees into the cake batter. You'll be fine." Five minutes later, one of the other sons, come running in and he says, "Mom, mom, I.." But the mother cuts him off and she says, "I know, I know, you pissed out a beebee. I dropped it into the cake batter, but you'll be fine." Then her last son runs in the room, and he says, "Mom, mom, I.." And the mother cuts him off and says, "I know, I know, you pissed out a beebee. It's my fault for dropping it in the cake batter, but you'll be fine." But then son says, "No, no, I was masturbating and I shot the dog!"
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has 73.33 % from 124 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, dog, food, masturbation
Dan staggers into the shower. He notices that his d**k is bright orange. He feels normal, but he's concerned and goes to the doctor. After a thorough examination, the doctor says, "You seem to be fine and all of the tests are normal. Did you do anything out of the ordinary over the weekend?" Dan says, "No. All I did was stay home, watch porno movies and eat Cheetos."
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has 70.72 % from 77 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, doctor, masturbation
A cowboy rides in the desert and comes upon a Native American lying naked with a hard-on. He asks, "What are you doing?" The naked man replies, "I'm finding out the time -- it is 12:15." The cowboy looks at his watch and thinks, "Wow, it really is 12:15." The cowboy continues and sees another Native American lying naked with a hard-on. He asks, "What are you doing?" The naked man replies, "I'm seeing what time it is -- it is 3:15." The cowboy looks at his watch and that is the correct time. The cowboy continues and finds a third Native American lying naked on the ground, masturbating. The cowboy asks what he's doing and he replies, "I'm winding my watch."
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has 67.31 % from 100 votes. More jokes about: cowboy, disgusting, masturbation, time
Why did the semen cross the road? Because I wore the wrong sock today.
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has 51.63 % from 70 votes. More jokes about: dirty, disgusting, masturbation
What do you call a masturbating cow? Beef Stroke-n-off
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has 50.76 % from 55 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, masturbation
How is a soyburger like a dildo? They're both substitutes for meat.
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has 38.97 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, masturbation
I hope the children will never find out why I say "oops..." so often when I vacuum their rooms.
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has 30.47 % from 54 votes. More jokes about: dirty, disgusting, kids, masturbation
I met a girl who used masturbate to 2 girls 1 cup. And that kids, is how j met your mother.
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has 22.75 % from 90 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, masturbation
This stupid bug is appearing on a blasted line which would blow up the toilet. Then they go like "Tom tom tom tom" then back to the toilet and stupidly disgusted by a recently married woman and erecting a man in a toilet.
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has 12.42 % from 75 votes. More jokes about: animal, disgusting, masturbation, men, women
In the year 3000, animals rule the Earth; they talk and drive sportscars. An owl enters a psychologist's office. The psychologist says to the owl, "What is your problem?" The owl replies, "I always sleep at night and am awake during the day. I am an owl and we usually are awake during the night." The psychologist tells the owl to come back in two days to solve his problem, as he is very busy. The next night, a cat comes in. He says, "I always sleep during the day. Like my friends, I want to sleep during the night. Can you help?" The psychologist advises the cat to come back in one day, as he is very busy. The next day, the cat comes very, very, very early for his appointment and ends up at the same time as the owl. The cat is told to wait outside. He peeks in the owl's appointment and figures out his problem... and his address! During the next evening, when the owl usually comes in for his appointment, the cat comes in. The psychologist asks the cat why he is here instead of the owl. The cat replies, "He is here!" and poops on the floor, explaining, "I was sent to deliver him."
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has 34.25 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: animal, car, cat, disgusting, time