Joke #2391

Q: What's the ultimate rejection? A: When you're masturbating and your hand falls asleep.
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has 74.09 % from 374 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, masturbation

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A mother is making a cake for her three sons when she accidentaly dropps some BB from the shelf into the batter. She decides that it won't matter and continues to make the cake. Later that day, her sons eat the cake and don't even notice the BBs. The next day, when the mother is reading a magazine on the couch, one of her sons runs in saying, "Mom, mom, I pissed out a beebee!" She says "That's okay, son. I accidentaly dropped some beebees into the cake batter. You'll be fine." Five minutes later, one of the other sons, come running in and he says, "Mom, mom, I.." But the mother cuts him off and she says, "I know, I know, you pissed out a beebee. I dropped it into the cake batter, but you'll be fine." Then her last son runs in the room, and he says, "Mom, mom, I.." And the mother cuts him off and says, "I know, I know, you pissed out a beebee. It's my fault for dropping it in the cake batter, but you'll be fine." But then son says, "No, no, I was masturbating and I shot the dog!"
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has 75.20 % from 120 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, dog, food, masturbation
Dan staggers into the shower. He notices that his d**k is bright orange. He feels normal, but he's concerned and goes to the doctor. After a thorough examination, the doctor says, "You seem to be fine and all of the tests are normal. Did you do anything out of the ordinary over the weekend?" Dan says, "No. All I did was stay home, watch porno movies and eat Cheetos."
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has 70.36 % from 76 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, doctor, masturbation
A cowboy rides in the desert and comes upon a Native American lying naked with a hard-on. He asks, "What are you doing?" The naked man replies, "I'm finding out the time -- it is 12:15." The cowboy looks at his watch and thinks, "Wow, it really is 12:15." The cowboy continues and sees another Native American lying naked with a hard-on. He asks, "What are you doing?" The naked man replies, "I'm seeing what time it is -- it is 3:15." The cowboy looks at his watch and that is the correct time. The cowboy continues and finds a third Native American lying naked on the ground, masturbating. The cowboy asks what he's doing and he replies, "I'm winding my watch."
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has 66.36 % from 97 votes. More jokes about: cowboy, disgusting, masturbation, time
Why did the semen cross the road? Because I wore the wrong sock today.
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has 51.00 % from 69 votes. More jokes about: dirty, disgusting, masturbation
What do you call a masturbating cow? Beef Stroke-n-off
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has 50.76 % from 55 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, masturbation
How is a soyburger like a dildo? They're both substitutes for meat.
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has 39.98 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, masturbation
I hope the children will never find out why I say "oops..." so often when I vacuum their rooms.
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has 31.72 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: dirty, disgusting, kids, masturbation
I met a girl who used masturbate to 2 girls 1 cup. And that kids, is how j met your mother.
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has 23.29 % from 88 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, masturbation
This stupid bug is appearing on a blasted line which would blow up the toilet. Then they go like "Tom tom tom tom" then back to the toilet and stupidly disgusted by a recently married woman and erecting a man in a toilet.
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has 12.77 % from 73 votes. More jokes about: animal, disgusting, masturbation, men, women
Q: Why do men fart louder than women? A: because they have a microphone and two speakers.
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has 78.79 % from 403 votes. More jokes about: dirty, disgusting, fart, men, women