What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back
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A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are stuck on top of a cliff.
A magical bird flies to them and tells them that each one of them can jump off the cliff and wish to be one thing to fly away on.
They will become that thing and can escape from their arduous situation.
The redhead goes first.
She jumps and says "eagle!".
She turns into an eagle and flies away.
The brunette jumps off and says,"hawk!" she turns into a hawk and flies away.
The blonde takes a running start, trips on a rock as she nears the edge. "Oh crap!" she yells.
A blonde hurries into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off.
“How did this happen?” the emergency room doctor asked her.
“Well, I was trying to commit suicide,” the blonde replied.
“What?” sputtered the doctor. “You tried to commit suicide by shooting your finger off?”
“No silly!” the blonde said. “First I put the gun to my chest, and I thought: I just paid $6,000.00 for these breast implants, I’m not shooting myself in the chest.”
“So then?” asked the doctor.
“Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought: I just paid $3000.00 to get my teeth straightened, I’m not shooting myself in the mouth.”
“So then?”
“Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: This is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in the other ear before I pulled the trigger.”
Q: What does a blonde say when you ask her if her blinker is working?
A: Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde skydiver?
A: She missed the Earth.
How do you make a blonde laugh on Monday morning?
Tell her a joke on Friday night.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air?
A: She missed.
A guy had a date with this really hot blonde.
He wanted a tan, so he went up on his roof and stripped because he didn't want a tan line.
But he fell asleep and woke up three hours later with a sunburn, especially on his d**k.
He puts lotion on it, wraps it up and gets ready for his date.
The blonde comes over, they make dinner and are watching a movie when the sunburn on the guy's d**k really starts to hurt.
So he excuses himself to the kitchen, where he pours milk on his d**k to alleviate the burn.
The blonde, who has followed him, peeks in the kitchen and says to herself, "So that's how they load them."
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
I wonder if it's mine.
Why are blondes only allowed a thirty-minute lunch break?
If they took an hour it would take too long to retrain them.
A woman and a man are involved in a car accident; it's a bad one.
Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt.
After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man, that's interesting.
I'm a woman.
Wow, just look at our cars!
There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt.
This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days." Flattered, the man replied, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely!"
"This must be a sign from God!" The woman continued,
"And look at this, here's another miracle.
My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break.
Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune."
Then she hands the bottle to the man,
The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman.
The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.
The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"
The woman replies, "No.
I think I'll just wait for the police..."