A police officer saw a car speeding down the highway.
He started chasing after the speeder .
When he got close he's saw it was a blonde woman who was actually knitting while driving.
The cop yelled, "Pull over!"
The blonde shouted back, "No! It's a sweater!"
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A blonde goes into a store and sees a shiny object on the shelf.
She asks the clerk, “What is that shiny object?”
The clerk replies, “That is a thermos.”
The blonde then asks, “What does it do?”
The clerk responds, “It keeps hot things hot and it keeps cold things cold.”
The blonde says, “Oh! I could use something like that! I’ll take it!”
The next day, as she walks into work with her new thermos she spots her boss and shows off her shiny new thermos, “I just got this yesterday, isn’t it wonderful!
It’s a thermos and it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold!”
The boss asks, “And what do you have in it?”
The blonde replies, “Some coffee and a popsicle.”
How do you drown a blonde?
Put a scratch and sniff sticker on the bottom of the pool
A blonde and a brunette walk past a flower shop and see the brunette's boyfriend buying flowers.
She sighs and says, "Oh crap, my boyfriend is buying me flowers again. Now, I'll be expected to spend the weekend on my back with my legs in the air."
The blonde says, "Don't you have a vase?"
A blonde walked into an electronics store and said to the salesmen: "I want that tv."
The salesperson shook his head and said, "No, we don't sell to blondes."
So the blonde left and came back with her hair dyed brown and said: "I'll take that tv."
Again the salesman said: "No, we don't sell to blondes."
So she left again and came back with her hair dyed black and said: "I want that tv."
But the salesman still said: "No, we don't sell to blondes."
Finally the blonde got fed up and said, "That's it! How'd you know I was a blonde?!" she asked.
The salesman answered: "Cause that's a microwave."
Vote:
There was a blonde, a redhead, and a brunette.
They were all trapped on an island and the nearest shore was 50 miles away.
The redhead swam trying to make it to the other shore she swam 15 miles, drowned, and died.
The brunette swam 24 miles, drowned, and died.
The blonde swam 25 miles, got tired, and swam back.
Once there was a blonde who really needed some money.
She saw an ad in the newspaper for a job at an Elmo factory.
She went down and applied, but the manager told her that she wouldn't want the job because it was so boring.
The blonde begged him and told him she would do anything because she needed the money really bad.
After long consideration the manager hired her.
After a few hours the manager looked at the video-monitor showing the factory floor and saw that the conveyer belt was backed up.
The manager went downstairs to find out what the problem was.
When he arived there the blonde was sewing two marbles into the crotch of every Elmo.
The manager said, "I said to give each Elmo two test tickles; not two testicles!"
A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about her job.
In the first room, she said she would like a pale blue.
The contractor wrote this down and went to the window, opened it, and yelled out “green side up!”
In the second room, she told the painter she would like it painted in a soft yellow.
He wrote this on his pad, walked to the window, opened it, and yelled “green side up!”
The lady was somewhat curious, but she said nothing.
In the third room, she said she would like it painted a warm rose color.
The painter wrote this down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled “green side up!”
The lady then asked him, “Why do you keep yelling ‘green side up’?”
“I’m sorry,” came the reply. “But I have a crew of blondes laying sod across the street.
What’s blonde, brunette, blonde, brunette…?
A blonde doing cartwheels.
A blonde has sharp pains in her side.
The doctor examines her and says, "You have acute appendicitis."
The blonde says, "That's sweet, doc, but I came here to get medical help."