Joke #5924

What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball? Make choking noises...

Are you a shark? Cause I've got some swimmers for you to swallow.

Dating a stripper is like eating a noisy bag of chips in church... everyone looks at you in disgust, but deep down inside they want some too.

Lady, how many sex partners have you had? Three.. oh no, wait... nine - I have forgotten one case.

A woman posts an ad in the news paper that looks like this... Looking for man with these qualifications: - won't beat me up - won't run away from - is great in bed. She got lots of phone calls replying to her ad but met someone perfect at her door one day. The man she met said, "Hi, I'm Bob. I have no arms so I won't beat you up and no legs so I won't run away." So the lady says, "What makes you think you are great in bed?" Bob replies, "I rang the door bell didn't I?"

What is the difference between mayonnaise and semen? Mayonnaise doesn't shoot down your throat at 40 miles per hour.

You don't have to wait until midnight to see my balls drop.

A Saudi prince recently requested that naked statues be covered up while visiting Rome. Apparently his 9 year old wife found them offensive.

A man saw a lady with big breasts. He asked, "Excuse me, can I bite your breasts for $1000?" She agrees, so they go to a secluded corner. She opens her blouse and the man puts his face in her breasts for 10 minutes. Eventually the lady asks, "Aren't you gonna bite them?" He replies, "No, it's too expensive."

A duck, a pigeon, and a chicken all walk into a courtroom... The judge asked the duck, "What is your crime?" The duck responds, "I was blowing bubbles in front of City Hall." The judge says, "There's no crime committed here, you're free to go." The judge then asks the pigeon, "What is your crime?" The pigeon responds, "I was also blowing bubbles in front of City Hall." The judge looks a little confused but finally says, "There's no crime committed here, you're also free to go." Lastly, the chicken walks up to the judge, and the judge asks, "What is your crime?" The chicken, first looking back at the pigeon and the duck, then turning to the judge says, "I'm bubbles."

My girlfriend asked me for the 7th time in a row for me to smash raw... She must think I'm made of coat hangers.