What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball? Make choking noises...
Aaron Hernandez goes to prison as a tight end. He'll come out a wide receiver!
Q: What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? A: One's a Goodyear. The other's a great year.
A mother was arguing with her teenager and finally she reaches breaking point and blurts out, " I should swallowed you when i had the chance!"
A dick has a sad life. His hair's a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor's an asshole, his bestfriend's a pussy, and his owner beats him.
Q: What did the seal say when found nuts in the sea? A: "Look I found deep nuts."
Q: How do you know when a machanic has had sex? A: Two of his fingers are clean.
What's the difference between a condom and a coffin? You come in one and you go in the other!
I could never fight a gay guy. I don't know how to start. "I'm gonna beat your ass... I mean I'm gonna f*ck you up... no, I mean I'm stick my foot so far up your ass.. no, not like that, I mean Fuck you, damn it, I give up
Q: What did the nut say to the bolt? A: Screw me.
Q: How big are the pastro's beds? A: Oh c'mon, it knows every little kid.