Joke #5930

Why did the semen cross the road? Because I wore the wrong sock today.
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has 50.67 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: dirty, disgusting, masturbation

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While talking to girl: "Hey, I heard an interesting stat the other day. They said that 80% of women masturbate in the shower. Know what the other 20% do?" "No, what?" "Yea, I figured you were in the first group."
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has 85.48 % from 757 votes. More jokes about: dirty, masturbation, women
A man is at the optometrist getting his eyes checked. "You need to stop masturbating so much," the optometrist says. "Why?" asks the man. "Is it going to make me go blind?" The optometrist looks around and says "no, but it's making the other patients very uncomfortable."
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has 84.01 % from 211 votes. More jokes about: dirty, doctor, masturbation, men
Bill and John, in their 80's decided to visit the Madam for one last sexual encounter. The Madam noticed Bill and John approaching, she quickly prepared 2 blow-up dolls, placing one in each room on the bed. Bill and John told the Madam that "We are here for the last time". The Madam sent Bill upstairs to the room on the left and John to the room on the right. After an hour Bill and John left the rooms, paid the Madam and left. Bill and John were very quiet until Bill said: "How was yours"? John said, "I think she was dead". John said, "How was yours"? Bill said, "I think she was a witch". John replied, "How did you know she was a witch"? Bill said, "Well I got on top of her, bit her nipple, she farted and flew out the window."
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has 83.67 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: dirty, disgusting, money, old people, sex
Dad: Hey son, if you keep masturbating your going to go blind. Son: Dad im over here.
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has 83.59 % from 563 votes. More jokes about: dad, dirty, masturbation
Q: When is the only time a guy can multi-task? A: When he's watching porn, masturbating, and keeping an eye on the door at the same time...
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has 82.81 % from 301 votes. More jokes about: dirty, masturbation, men, time
Q: What did the banana say to the vibrator? A: "What are you shaking about, it's me she's going to eat."
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has 82.66 % from 356 votes. More jokes about: dirty, food, masturbation
A waitress walks up to one of her tables in a New York City restaurant and notices that the three Bulgarian businessmen seated there are furiously masturbating. She says, "What the hell do you guys think you are doing?" One of the Bulgarian men says, "Can't you see? Ve arrrre all verrry, verrry hoongry." The waitress makes a stroking motion and says, "So how is whacking-off in the middle of the restaurant going to help that situation??" One of the other businessmen replies: "The menu say, FIRST COME, FIRST SERVED!"
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has 82.24 % from 366 votes. More jokes about: business, dirty, food, masturbation
Q: What do tofu and a dildo have in common? A: They are both meat substitutes.
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has 81.81 % from 284 votes. More jokes about: dirty, masturbation
A man joins the navy and is shipped out immediately to an aircraft carrier in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. The captain is showing the new recruit around the ship, when the recruit asks the captain what the sailors do to satisfy their urges when they're at sea for so long. "Let me show you," says the captain. He takes the recruit down to the rear of the ship where there's a solitary barrel with a hole in it. "This'll be the best sex you'll ever have. Go ahead and try it, and I'll give you some privacy." The recruit doesn't quite believe it, but he decides to try it anyway. After he finishes up, the captain returns. "Wow! That was the best sex I've ever had! I want to do it every day!" "Fine. You can do it every day except for Thursday." "Why not Thursday?" "That's your day in the barrel."
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has 80.60 % from 475 votes. More jokes about: air force, dirty, disgusting, navy, sex
Q: How do you cancel an appointment at a sperm bank? A: Tell them you can't cum.
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has 79.38 % from 123 votes. More jokes about: dirty, masturbation