What's red and crawls up your leg?
A homesick miscarriage.
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The other day a friend and myself decided to try out an aerobics video because we were both feeling very unfit.
We put the tape in and started to copy the movements.
After a few minutes we had chopped each other's arms off with chain-saws.
It was only then that we realized that I had accidentally put "Psycho Killers III" in the video by mistake!
How we laughed!!!!
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A reporter was interviewing a 104 year-old woman:
"And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked.
She simply replied, "No peer pressure."
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Joke has 81.86 % from 121 votes. More jokes about: age, black humor, communication, death, old people
John and David were both patients in a Mental hospital.
One day, John suddenly dived into the deep end of the swimming pool.
David jumped in and saved him, and the medical director came to know of his heroic act.
He immediately order David to be discharged from the mental hospital as he is OK.
Doctor: "We have good news and bad news for you, David. The good news is that we are going to discharge you because you have regained your senses, since you are able to jump in and save another patient you are now a normal person. The bad news is that, the patient Mr. John, whom you have saved, hung himself in the toilet, and died."
David: "Doctor, he didn’t hang himself. I hung him there to dry."
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Q: What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?
A: Not enough sand.
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Why did Beyonce sing 'to the left', 'to the left'?
Because black people have no rights...
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Q: What did Hitler get for his birthday?
A: An easy bake oven and a GI-Jew.
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What is the difference between turkey and mother-in-law?
There is no difference: both are the best when they are cold on the table.
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Little Johnny was in Maths class when his teacher asked him:
"Johnny, if your Mother had to repay a loan of $100,000, and you gave her $50,000, what would she need to repay the loan?"
Johnny replied, "To repay the loan? $50,000 more. To stay alive? CPR."
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So it's the weekend, and I'm on my back patio when I get this idea to call up my coroner friend Bob.
"Bob's not here," his wife says, "he's at work."
"Sheesh!" I think. "Poor guy doing autopsies on a Sunday."
So I call him on his cell.
"What gives, bro,?" I ask.
"Homicide," he says. "The higher-ups need a report ASAP. I'll be starting in just a few minutes."
I Josh Bob a little. "I'll be thinking of you, buddy. Right now, I'm basting barbecue sauce on a rack of baby-backs and I'm getting ready to open a frosty beer."
"Not much different here," he says. "I'm about ready to crack open a cold one myself."
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Woman patient: "Doctor I was suffering so much that I wanted to die."
Doctor: "You did the right thing to call me."
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