Joke #5944

What's red and crawls up your leg? A homesick miscarriage.

First cannibal: "I can't find anything to eat!" Second cannibal: "But the jungle's full of people."  First cannibal: "Yes, but they're all very unsavory."

Q: What's the difference between Auschwitz and Sarajevo? A: At least they had gas in Auschwitz.

It's a slow day in heaven, so St. Peter decides to show a new guy around. St. Peter shows him all of the sights: the golf course, library, observation deck, cafeteria and a huge room full of clocks. "What's up with those clocks, Peter?" "Everyone on Earth has a clock that shows how much time he has left. When a clock runs out of time, the person dies and comes to the gates to be judged." The guy notices that some of the clocks are going faster than others. St. Peter tells him that every time a living person tells a lie, it speeds up his clock. The guy notices one clock in the center of the ceiling with both hands whirling around at an unbelievable rate. "What's the story with that clock?" "Oh, that," St. Peter replies. That's George W. Bush's clock. We decided to use it as a fan."

Q: How do Asians name their babies? A: They throw a can down the stairs.

Q: How do you kill an emo? A: You don't you let depression do the work.

An Asian walks into a McDonald's and says, "I'll Have An Eggroll and Some Fry Rye." "I'm sorry sir we don't serve that. Would you like anything else?" "I have quarter pounder. And when would you like to pick that up...Hiroshima!"

The reason why women will never be the ones who propose is that as soon as they get on their knees, man starts unzipping.

What is the difference between turkey and mother-in-law? There is no difference: both are the best when they are cold on the table.

John and David were both patients in a Mental hospital. One day, John suddenly dived into the deep end of the swimming pool. David jumped in and saved him, and the medical director came to know of his heroic act. He immediately order David to be discharged from the mental hospital as he is OK. Doctor: "We have good news and bad news for you, David. The good news is that we are going to discharge you because you have regained your senses, since you are able to jump in and save another patient you are now a normal person. The bad news is that, the patient Mr. John, whom you have saved, hung himself in the toilet, and died." David: "Doctor, he didn’t hang himself. I hung him there to dry."

Q. Which famous celebrity has had the most children over the last 10 years? A. Michael Jackson