Joke #5944

What's red and crawls up your leg? A homesick miscarriage.

So it's the weekend, and I'm on my back patio when I get this idea to call up my coroner friend Bob. "Bob's not here," his wife says, "he's at work." "Sheesh!" I think. "Poor guy doing autopsies on a Sunday." So I call him on his cell. "What gives, bro,?" I ask. "Homicide," he says. "The higher-ups need a report ASAP. I'll be starting in just a few minutes." I Josh Bob a little. "I'll be thinking of you, buddy. Right now, I'm basting barbecue sauce on a rack of baby-backs and I'm getting ready to open a frosty beer." "Not much different here," he says. "I'm about ready to crack open a cold one myself."

Q. What do Ethiopians and Yoko Ono have in common? A. They both live off dead Beatles.

What does the cannibal do just after he dumped his girlfriend? Wiped his ass.

Q: What did Hitler get for his birthday? A: An easy bake oven and a GI-Jew.

I got in trouble for telling a joke in 5th grade. Now I have to keep 250 feet away from all schools...

Q: Where does a black jew go? A: The back of the oven.

What's got four wheels, smokes and squeals? A bus load of babies on fire.

A man returns to the U.S. from Africa feeling very ill. He goes to see his doctor, and is immediately rushed to the hospital, to undergo a barrage of extensive tests. The man wakes up after the tests in a private room at the hospital, and the phone by his bed rings. “This is your doctor. We’ve had the results back from your tests and we’ve found you have an extremely nasty virus, which is extremely contagious!” “Oh my gosh,” cries the man. He’s in a panic now. “What are you going to do, doctor?” “Well we’re going to put you on a diet of pizzas, pancakes, and pita bread.” “Will that cure me?” asked the man hopefully. The doctor replied, “Well no, but … it’s the only food we can get under the door.”

Q: What was so bad about being a black Jew? A: You had to sit in the back of the oven.

Chuck Norris occasionally smokes large cigars. The last one was called the Hindenburg.