Joke #4784

Why can't cinderella get in the basketball team? Because she keeps running away from the ball.
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has 45.58 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: life

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Over breakfast one morning, a woman said to her husband, "I bet you don't know what day this is." "Of course I do," he irritatingly answered, going out the door to the office. At 11 AM, the doorbell rang, and when the woman opened the door, she was handed a bouquet of red roses. At 2 PM, a two pound box of her favorite chocolates arrived. Later, a boutique delivered a designer dress. The woman couldn't wait for her husband to come home. "First the flowers, then the chocolates, and then the dress!" she exclaimed. "I've never had a more wonderful ‘Independence day' in all my life!"
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has 50.64 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: food, husband, life, marriage, time
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
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has 77.50 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: life, money
You ever accidentally go up to a real big fat person, and you accidentally ask them for a good place to eat? And they look at you and say they don't know. And you're looking at them, like, 'You do know. I bet if I follow you for an hour, we gonna be eatin'.
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has 33.86 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: life
Doctor (to a patient): "You must take four tea-spoonfuls of this medicine before every meal." Patient: "Doctor, we’ve only 3 spoons at home."
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has 68.45 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: doctor, food, life
Rita is complaining to her friends about her husband's extreme dedication to his new job. You see, Rita's husband has been jobless for quite a while. She tells her friends, "I appreciate the fact that at last he's found a new job, but I don't like him taking his work home and finishing it in our bedroom." "Why, what's his new job?" "He's an embalmer."
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has 67.81 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: husband, life, work
What happened when the cannibal ate the speaking clock? It repeated on him.
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has 67.81 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: food, life, time
"Hey what's up?" "Nothing much.. converting Oxygen into Carbon dioxide." "How the hell do you do that?!" "Breathing... Dude."
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has 70.97 % from 303 votes. More jokes about: life
Q: What bounces and makes kids cry? A: My donation cheque to Children in Need.
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has 42.03 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: kids, life
A demon died and was asked by god what he wanted to become in his next life. The demon said "I wish to become good in my next life. I want to be as pure and white as an angel and also have angel wings... But I still want to drink blood." So god turned him into a maxi pad.
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has 49.30 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, god, life
Success is like pregnancy. Everybody congratulates you but nobody knows how many times you got fucked to achieve it.
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has 82.52 % from 199 votes. More jokes about: baby, dirty, life, sex, work