Joke #615

When the President pushes the big red button, Chuck Norris's cell phone rings.
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Chuck Norris doesn't dial the wrong number, you pick up the wrong phone
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It was a celebratory mood with the boys at NASA; they had just made the scientific achievement of a lifetime. As they were uncorking a bottle of champagne, Dr. Lowenstein, the head scientist at NASA, asked everyone to be quiet as he had received a congratulatory phone call from the President of the United States. He picked up a special red phone, and spoke into it. "Mr. President," said Dr. Lowenstein, grinning broadly, "after twelve years of hard research and billions of dollars spent, we have finally found intelligent life on Mars." He listened for a second, and his smile gradually disappeared, replaced by a frown. He said, "But that’s impossible... we could never do it. Yes Mr. President,” and hung up the phone. He addressed the crowd of scientists staring at him curiously. "I have some bad news," he said, "the President said that now that we’ve found intelligent life on Mars... he wants us to try to find it in Congress."
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Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11... a suicide.
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A redneck calls up the White House and tells the receptionist: "I'd like to become the next President of the United States." The receptionist: "What are you, an idiot?" Redneck: "Why, is it required?"
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If Chuck Norris were president, he would protect the secret service.
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Chuck Norris doesn't run for President; the President runs for Vice God Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris was about to die... until the Grim Reaper phoned in sick.
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Chuck Norris can text using a rotary phone.
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Chuck Norris' phone never auto corrects him.
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When Bell invented the telephone, there were already three Chuck Noris missed calls.
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