When the President pushes the big red button, Chuck Norris's cell phone rings.
Chuck Norris doesn't dial the wrong number, you pick up the wrong phone
A redneck calls up the White House and tells the receptionist: "I'd like to become the next President of the United States." The receptionist: "What are you, an idiot?" Redneck: "Why, is it required?"
It was a celebratory mood with the boys at NASA; they had just made the scientific achievement of a lifetime. As they were uncorking a bottle of champagne, Dr. Lowenstein, the head scientist at NASA, asked everyone to be quiet as he had received a congratulatory phone call from the President of the United States. He picked up a special red phone, and spoke into it. "Mr. President," said Dr. Lowenstein, grinning broadly, "after twelve years of hard research and billions of dollars spent, we have finally found intelligent life on Mars." He listened for a second, and his smile gradually disappeared, replaced by a frown. He said, "But that’s impossible... we could never do it. Yes Mr. President,” and hung up the phone. He addressed the crowd of scientists staring at him curiously. "I have some bad news," he said, "the President said that now that we’ve found intelligent life on Mars... he wants us to try to find it in Congress."
If Chuck Norris were president, he would protect the secret service.
When Bell invented the telephone, there were already three Chuck Noris missed calls.
Chuck Norris was asked if he would be running for President, after a chuckle, he stated, nothing makes him run.
Chuck Norris keeps a list of all his victims, it's called the phone book.
Chuck Norris can hear his phone ring on silent.
Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11... a suicide.