For their 10th anniversary, a wife surprises her husband by wearing the lingerie she wore on their wedding night.
She asks her husband what his exact thoughts were 10 years ago when he first saw her in the lingerie.
He says, "I wanted to suck your tits dry and f**k your brains out."
"Well, what do you think today?"
He says, "I think I did a good job."
Similar jokes
See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.
A couple has been married for many years, and one day the man tells his wife that he wishes she had bigger breasts.
"But how am I going to get bigger breasts?" she asks.
"That’s simple." he says, "Just rub your breasts with toilet paper every day."
"And that would do it?" the surprised wife wonders.
"Well," answers the husband, "it sure did work on your behind!"
I'm going to watch my wedding video later "backwards".
I love the end bit when she takes the ring off, goes back down the aisle and jumps in the car.
Why is marriage a three-ring circus?
First the engagement ring, then the wedding ring, then the suffering.
Signs You're No Longer in College...
You no longer know what time fast food drive-thru windows close.
Your potted plants stay alive.
You pay at least a dollar more than the minimum payment on your credit card bill.
Your friends' hook-ups and break-ups are now marriages and divorces.
You attend parties that the police don't raid.
You're not expected to leave the room when the adults are talking.
You refer to college students as "those kids."
You drink wine, scotch and martinis instead of just beer, beer and beer.
You feed your dog Science Diet instead of leftover pizza.
At 6 a.m., you're putting your contact lens in instead of taking them out.
Naps are no longer weekday options.
Dating involves dinner and a movie, not keggers and Ecstasy.
Grocery lists contain more than toilet paper and potato chips.
You leave parties because you have a busy day tomorrow, not because the EMS guy has strapped you down.
Practical thought:
A husband is supposed to make his wife's panties wet, not her eyes.
A wife is supposed to make her husband's dick hard, not his life...
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically,
"Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: ''I love the simple things in life, but I don't want one of them for my husband''.
Q: What do women, tornadoes and hurricanes have in common?
A: They all get the house.
Wife to her husband:
"I told you I'll be back in five minutes, so why you are calling me every half an hour?"
Peter sat at his dying wife's bedside.
Her voice was little more than a whisper.
"Pete, darling," she breathed, "I've a confession to make before I go. ... I ... I'm the one who took the $10,000 from your safe.
I spent it on a fling with your best friend, Alex.
And it was I who forced your mistress to leave the city.
And I am the one who reported your income-tax evasion to the government. . . ."
"That's all right, sweetie, don't give it a second thought," answered Peter, "I'm the one who poisoned you."