For their 10th anniversary, a wife surprises her husband by wearing the lingerie she wore on their wedding night.
She asks her husband what his exact thoughts were 10 years ago when he first saw her in the lingerie.
He says, "I wanted to suck your tits dry and f**k your brains out."
"Well, what do you think today?"
He says, "I think I did a good job."
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Husband to wife: ‘You have a flat chest and hairy legs.
Tell me, have you ever been mistaken for a man?’
‘No,’ replies his wife.
‘Have you?’
A husband and wife sleep in separate twin beds.
One night he asks his wife to come over to his bed to fool around.
As the wife gets up to walk over to his bed, she trips over the carpet and falls flat on her face.
The husband looks up concerned and says, "Oh did my little wifey fall on her little nosey wosey?"
She laughs and gets in his bed.
When they are done, she gets up to go back to her bed and falls over the rug again.
Her husband looks over his shoulder to see her on the floor, rolls over and says, "Clumsy bitch."
A woman applies for a job in a lemon grove.
‘Have you got any experience picking lemons?’ asks the foreman.
‘I certainly have,’ says the woman.
‘I’ve been married four times.’
Q:What's the worst thing your wife can say during sex?
A:Honey I'm home.
A friend of mine often tells to his wife: "It is better to be loved and almost the only one rather than to be the only one and almost loved…"
In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
Things have reached crisis point in Beryl’s marriage.
‘If things are so bad,’ her friend advises her.
‘Then you should leave your husband.’
‘I would,’ says Beryl.
‘If only I could think of a way of doing it that wouldn’t make him happy.’
Air Force Approach: "Eagle 13, turn right to 330."
Eagle 13: "Roger 330."
App: "Eagle 13, I've been working since last night, Will you do me a favor?"
Eagle 13: "Affirmative.
Go ahead."
App: "Down below on your right, you'll see a base house with yellow roof near the lake.
That is my house.
I had a fight with my Wife, and I'm worried she might take it out on my Harley.
Do you see a Harley Davidson near the house?"
Eagle 13: "Negative sir.
Instead I can see a Ryder's truck."
A husband and wife are eating soup.
The wife spills soup all over her and says:
"Oh no, I look like a pig"
"Yes and you also have soup all over you!"