Q:How do crazy people go through the forest?
A:They take the psycho path.
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An archaeologist in Egypt was taking a walk in the town square one morning.
He had to get back to the hotel for a meeting but had forgotten his wristwatch.
He was walking by an old man sitting on a low stool by his camel and asked if he knew the time.
The old man slowly reached over and pushed the camel's testicles to one side and then released them, letting them swing to a stop.
"10:27" he said.
The archaeologist was stunned as he had never seen someone tell time like that before.
He rushed back to the hotel to find his colleagues and then brought them back to the town square to find the old man.
Having found him again, the archaeologist said, "I will give you this $50 bill if you'll show me how you tell time.
The old man pocketed the $50 bill and said, "OK, kneel down here with me and put your head close to mine. Now swing the camel's testicles out of the way. Now, can you see the clock on that building over there?"
What do a walrus and Tupperware have in common?
They both like a tight seal.
I know a lady who blew her man's jimmy off because he wanted to be down with O.P.P.
Now he down with No P.P.
How do you know which one is your boss from a crowd of 500 people?
You say: “My boss is a stupidest asshole!”
The best way to make somebody remember you is to borrow money from them.
Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
Q: Why is Al Qaeda more compassionate than pro-lifers?
A: The 9/11 hijackers got to die instantly.
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What do you call a truck full of dildos?
Toys for Twats.
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Santa Clause, The Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy were all real at one time... then they met Chuck.
There can only be 1 living legend.
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