1st Eskimo: "Where did your mother come from?"
2nd Eskimo: "Alaska."
1st Eskimo: "Don’t bother, I’ll ask her myself!"
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"Today, I saw a homeless men living in a tyre. So I did good deed and punctured it."
"How is that a good deed?"
"He is now living in a flat."
A punk rocker gets on the bus with green, yellow, purple and orange hair.
An old guy sitting on the bus stares at him, and the punk says, "What's the matter, old man, didn't you ever do anything wild in your life?"
And the old man says, "Yeah, one time I fucked a parrot. I thought maybe you were my kid."
My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with Linkin Park.
But In the end, it doesn't even matter.
My skydiving instructor would always take the time to answer any of our stupid first-timer questions.
One guy asked, "If our chute doesn't open, and the reserve doesn't open, how long do we have until we hit the ground?"
Our jump master looked at him and in perfect deadpan and answered, "The rest of your life."
Vote:
Do you know what a plateau is?
It's the highest form of flattery!
An old man and woman hate each other, but remain married for years.
During their shouting fights, the old man constantly warns his wife, "If I die first, I will dig my way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!"
One day, the man abruptly dies.
After the burial, the wife goes straight to the local bar and begins to party.
Her friends ask if she isn't worried about her husband digging himself out of the grave.
The wife smiles, "Let the old bugger dig. I had him buried upside down!"
Programming is like sex.
One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
Vote:
Q: How did the butcher introduce his wife?
A: Meet Patty.
What did the egg say to the boiling water?
"How can you expect me to get hard so fast? I just got laid a minute ago."
Cessna pilot: "Tower, Cessna 12345, student pilot, I am out of fuel.
Tower: "Roger Cessna 12345, reduce airspeed to best glide!
Do you have the airfield in sight?"
Cessna: "Uh...tower, I am on the south ramp; I just want to know where the fuel truck is."