What's red and green and goes at 100mph?
A frog in a blender.
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What do you call a trash bag full of mutilated laboratory monkeys?
Rhesus Pieces.
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A woman took her dog to the vet. She said, "I think my dog is dead". The doctor laid the dog on the table and reached down and took a cat out of a box. The cat walked all over the dog and the dog didn't move. "Yes, your dog is dead," says the doctor.
"How much do I owe you?" the lady asks.
"$345," says the doctor.
"$345!!?" the lady asks.
"Yes. $45 for the office visit and $300 for the cat scan."
Yo mommas so stupid when she licked a dog she said meow.
What do you call an ugly rabbit that sits on someone's forehead?
Unsightly facial hare.
Q: What do you call a dog with no legs?
A: Doesn't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come.
Why did the gag-writer turn green?
Cause the gag-writer was sick of writing frog jokes!
What do you get from a cow on the North Pole?
Cold cream.
Two deer walk out of a gay bar, one turns to the other and says, "I can't believe I blew twenty bucks in there..."
How is a rabbit like a plum?
They re both purple, except for the rabbit.