What's red and green and goes at 100mph?
A frog in a blender.
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Q. What's green and red?
A. A very mad frog.
Q. Where do polar bears vote?
A. The North Poll.
A baby snake asked it's mom, "Mommy are we poisonous?"
The mother snake responded, "Yes honey, but why do you want to know?"
The baby snake responded, "Because I just bit myself..."
What do you call a herd of cows in a psychiatrists office?
An encownter group.
Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?"
"None," replied Johnny, "cause the rest would fly away."
"Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking."
Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was sucking her cone, which one is married?"
"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone."
"No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."
Vote:
Are you a shark?
Cause I've got some swimmers for you to swallow.
Q: What do you call a rooster who wakes you up at the same time every morning?
A: An alarm cluck!
What's a rabbits favorite song?
"Hoppy Birthday to You."
Q: Why do women have 2% more brains then a cow?
A: So, when you pull their tits they won't shit on the floor.
The Taco Bell Chihuahua, a Doberman and a Bulldog are in a bar having adrink when a great-looking female Collie comes up to them and says, "Whoever can say liver and cheese in a sentence can have me."
So the Doberman says, "I love liver and cheese." The Collie replies, "That's not good enough."
The Bulldog says, "I hate liver and cheese." She says, "That's not creative enough."
Finally, the Chihuahua says, "Liver alone . . . cheese mine."