What's red and green and goes at 100mph?
A frog in a blender.
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Q: What is black white and rolls around in the sand?
A: A black man and a segal fighting over a carp.
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Q: Why does the easter bunny hide his eggs?
A: He doesn't want anyone to know he's f**king chickens.
I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah; I thought, ''He's trying to pull a fast one''.
Q: What does a twelve-pound mouse say to a cat?
A: ‘Here Kitty, kitty, kitty’!
Teacher: Billy, how do you spell "Crocodile"?
Billy: ‘K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
Teacher: No, that's wrong
Billy: Maybe it's wrong, but you ask me how I spell it!
A woman walks into a bar with her 5 pound Chihuahua and sits down next to this guy, whom she notices is feeling a little bit queasy.
A few minutes go buy and the guy looks at her and blows his chunks.
He looks down and sees the little dog struggling in a pool of vomit and says, "Whoa, I don't remember eating that!"
What do tigers wear in bed?
Stripey pyjamas.
A blonde desserts her home town out of shame, and colors her hair brown.
She drives past a farm and sees all the sheep.
She goes up to the farmer and ask, "If I guess how many sheep you have can I have one?"
The farmer nodded. She continued. "159" The farmer is surprised. "How did you know?"
"Lucky guess" She grabs one and gets in her car.
The farmer comes up and says, "If I can guess your real hair color can I get my dog back?"
What do you get if you cross a skunk and an owl?
A bird that stinks but doesn't give a hoot.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Kanga.
Kanga who?
Actually, it's kangaroo!
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