Joke #653

What's red and green and goes at 100mph? A frog in a blender.

There was this biologist who was doing some experiments with frogs. He was measuring just how far frogs could jump. So he puts a frog on a line and says "Jump frog, jump!" The frog jumps 2 feet. He writes in his lab book: "Frog with 4 legs – jumps 2 feet." Next he chops off one of the legs and repeats the experiment. "Jump frog jump!" he says. The frog manages to jump 1.5 feet. So he writes in his lab book: "Frog with 3 legs – jumps 1.5 feet." He chops off another and the frog only jumps 1 foot. He writes in his book: "Frog with 2 legs jumps 1 foot." He continues and removes yet another leg. "Jump frog jump!" and the frog somehow jumps a half of a foot. So he writes in his lab book again: "Frog with one leg – jumps 0.5 feet." Finally he chops off the last leg. He puts the frog on the line and teels it to jump. "Jump frog, jump!" The frog doesn’t move. "Jump frog, jump!" Again the frog stays on the line. "Come on frog, jump!" But to no avail. The biologist finally writes in his book: "Frog with no legs – goes deaf."

Why do female black widow spiders kill the males after mating? To stop the snoring before it starts.

What do you call an unusual rabbit? A rare hare.

Q: Why do mother kangaroos hate rainy days? A: Because then the children have to play inside.

Q. What’s got 4 legs and bleeds? A. Half a spider!

A hound dog lays in the yard and an old man in overalls sits on the porch. "Excuse me, sir, but does your dog bite?" a jogger asks. The old man looks over his newspaper and replies, "Nope." As soon as the jogger enters the yard, the dog begins snarling and growling, and then attacks the jogger's legs. As the jogger flails around in the yard, he yells, "I thought you said your dog didn't bite!" The old man mutters, "Ain't my dog."

Why did the frog go to the mall? Because he wanted to go hopping.

Why did the frog cross the road? Some mean little kid super-glued it to the chicken.

What should you call a bald teddy? Fred bear .

"Your Honor, it was an accident! I had to run into the fence to keep from hitting the cow!" "Was it a Jersey cow?" "I don't know, I didn't see her license plate!"