I know a lady who blew her man's jimmy off because he wanted to be down with O.P.P.
Now he down with No P.P.
Similar jokes
See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.
Yes, money cannot buy happiness, but it is much more comfortable to cry in a new BMW than on a bike.
Employer: "We need someone responsible for the job."
"Sir your search ends here! In my previous job whenever something went wrong,everybody said I was responsible."
Apparently Neil Armstrong use to tell unfunny jokes about the Moon, and followed them up with "Ah, I guess you had to be there."
A sandwich walks into a bar.
The barman says ''Sorry we don't serve food in here''
Q: Why is the longest human nose on record only 11 inches Long?
A: Because if it will 12 inches then it will a foot.
Vote:
A woman, after giving birth to six babies, upon seeing her husband gets up off the hospital bed, walks over to him shouting "I told you not to go doggy style!"
An alien lord lands in the middle of the desert and demands to see the ruler of all this planet and make it bow to his will, except he made two grave mistakes, first he landed in the middle of the desert, in the middle of the night and second he didn't know anything about the inhabitants.
So he approaches the first life form he finds which was a gas pump and demands it to take him to the leader.
Well it's a gas pump so it doesn't say anything obviously, getting aggravated he demands again but this time pulls his laser pistol and says
"This is the last time I ask earthling!"
Just then his general whispers to him "Hey calm down buddy don't mess with this guy, he's a badass motherfucker".
Shrugging off his comrade he furiously demands a response and after brief moments of silence, he blasts the pump and BOOM!
A huge explosion occurs and they land a mile away.
As they sit there dusting themselves off the alien lord looks at the general and asks "We have conquered the cosmos and all sorts of life forms, I've never seen you sweat in the face of an adversary, how did you know this guy was such a badass motherfucker?"
The general looks over and says "Man if you could wrap your dick around your body 3 times and then plug it in your ear, you are a badass motherfucker."
Whats the difference between a jeweler and a jailer?
One sells watches and one watches cells.
A hound dog lays in the yard and an old man in overalls sits on the porch.
"Excuse me, sir, but does your dog bite?" a jogger asks.
The old man looks over his newspaper and replies, "Nope."
As soon as the jogger enters the yard, the dog begins snarling and growling, and then attacks the jogger's legs.
As the jogger flails around in the yard, he yells, "I thought you said your dog didn't bite!"
The old man mutters, "Ain't my dog."
A runaway man from prison that was sentenced for life, has stayed in for 25 years.
While trying to find a place to hide, he enters a newlywed’s house, ties the man in a chair in a corner of the room and ties the woman in the bed.
He climbs on the bed, on top of the woman and appears to be kissing her neck.
Then he gets up and leaves the room.
Immediately the husband drags his chair up to the bed and whispers to his wife: "My love, this man hasn’t seen a woman for many years. I saw him kissing your neck and rushing out. Just play nice with him and do as he asks you to. If he wants to have sex with you just agree and pretend that you like it. Whatever you do, don’t go against his will and upset him. Both our lives are at your hands right now, be strong and remember that I love you."
As soon as the half naked woman recovers from the shock of what she just heard, she says: "Honey, I feel very relieved that you see it this way. You are right, this man has not seen a woman for years but he wasn’t kissing my neck. He was whispering to me. He said that he finds you very cute and asked me if we have Vaseline in the bathroom! Be strong and remember that I love you too!"