Q: How do you get a dog to stop humping your leg?
A: Pick it up and suck it's dick.
Vote:
Similar jokes
See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.
What is more disgusting than a pile of 100 dead babies?
One live one in the middle is eating its way out.
Vote:
A man visits his aunt in the nursing home.
It turns out that she is taking a nap, so he just sits down in a chair in her room, flips through a few magazines, and munches on some peanuts sitting in a bowl on the table.
Eventually, the aunt wakes up, and her nephew realizes he’s absentmindedly finished the entire bowl of peanuts.
"I’m so sorry, auntie, I’ve eaten all of your peanuts!"
"That’s okay, dearie," the aunt replied. "After I’ve sucked the chocolate off, I don’t care for them anyway."
Vote:
Q: Why did the gay man get fired from his job at the sperm bank?
A: Drinking on the job.
Vote:
A man goes to the doctor about the size if his penis.
He says to the doctor "My penis is too small."
Doctor gives the man some medicine, says "Drink this everytime you bump into something your penis will grow an inch."
So the man thanks the doctor and leaves.
He drinks the medicine on his way home he bumps into a lampot so his penis grew an inch.
Just a little further down the road he bumps into an Indian guy.
A thousand apologies, he penis grows one thousand inches, baffled by his extra long penis he decides to paint it red, hite and blue, and wrapped it round his neck, he decides to go to the cinema, he was watching a dirty movie, sat on the top of the row of seats, all of a sudden this voice comes on the speaker.
"Can the man with the red white and blue scarf stop chucking ice cream to the people below?"
What’s harder to do than nailing a baby to a tree?
Nailing it to a dead puppy.
Vote:
What's green and smells like pork?
Kermit's finger.
Vote:
"Where are you going to take Vampira on your date?" asked one vampire.
"Oh, I thought we'd go to the movies, and then get a quick bite."
Vote:
Did you here about the man that died from eating Rocky Mountain Oysters?
The bull must have drug him a mile!
Vote:
Q: Did you hear about the redneck who was shooting craps?
A: He blew a hole in the toilet.
Vote:
Two gay men, Paul and Tom, were making love one night, and had just finished when Paul decided he was going to freshen up in the shower.
Tom was laying there thinking about how wonderful Paul was, when he decided he was going to join him in the shower.
When Tom got into the bathroom, he opened up the shower curtain and the first thing he saw was a large cumshot on the wall.
He wailed to Tom, "I can't believe you! We just finish making love and you come in here and jack-off!"
Paul looks at the wall and says "What are you talkng about? I wasn't jacking-off, I farted!"