Q: How do you get a dog to stop humping your leg? A: Pick it up and suck it's dick.
Little Johnny comes home one day and says, "Mom! Little Mark next door has a penis like a peanut!" "What do you mean, Johnny? Is it shaped like a peanut?" "No," says Johnny. "It's salty."
What is the difference between a blonde and a toilet? After you use a toilet it doesn't follow you around for three days.
What do Mario LeMieux and Courtney Love have in common? They both shower after three periods!
If I wanted to hear from an a**hole I would fart.
What do you call a vegetarian with diarrhea? A salad shooter.
Q: Why can't Jesus eat M&Ms? A: They keep falling through the holes in his hands.
Q: How do you recycle a condom? A: Turn it inside out and shake the f**k out of it.
Three old men were sitting on a porch. "I wish I could take a healthy piss," said one. "I wish I could take a healthy crap," said another. "I can take a crap at 6 AM and a piss at 11 AM. I just wish I could get up before noon."
What do you call an incestuous nephew? An aunt-eater.
Q: Why there are many bubbles on the pool's water? A: Swimmers are farting.