The moon is just a football Chuck Norris kicked up when he was a kid.
The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real. It's when he learns Chuck Norris is.
Chuck Norris has 2 kids. We know them as Pain and Suffering.
Q: What's the difference between an NFL player and an elevator? A: The elevator can raise a child.
When Chuck Norris was a kid he didn't play with Lincoln Logs, he built real houses.
When Chuck Norris wants to burn calories, he throws fat kids into a camp fire.
Chuck Norris never wet his bed as a child. The bed went itself out of fear.
Q: What does Superman, Batman, and Ironman have in common? A: When they were kids they wanted to be Chuck Norris
This Christmas, Santa is sending a message to the naughty children to stop being bad. He stuffing their stocking with Chuck Norris!
Kids dream about having superpowers. Superpowers dream about having Chuck Norris.
A guy takes his blonde girlfriend to a football game for the first time. After the game he asked his girlfriend how she liked the game. Oh, I really liked it, she said, but I just couldn't understand though why they were beating each other up for 25 cents. Surprised, the boyfriend asked, what do you mean? The blonde girlfriend replied all they kept screaming was, ‘Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back!'